Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Velvet Toilet, Bathroom Manners and DONT SHAKE DICK!
Limpek was at Velvet the other day, and then run into an old friend. Of all the places, we bumped into each other in the toilet. You know la, velvet toilet so damn cramped, until have to line up outside the cubicle just to wait for urinals to clear. The Zouk clubbers also damn cibai wan sometimes. You see, the toilet is set up like that ...
As you can see, at any given time, 5 person can use the toilet. 2 can pangsai in the cubicles and 3 can piss on the urinals. Personally limpek think those cibais who go pangsai in club cubicles should be made to swallow their own shit. Along with the fucker who design the toilet.
Already you are talking about hundreds of guests in the club and 1 tiny lanjiao toilet, yet you must go pangsai in the cubicle. Want to pangsai cannot just go home or somewhere else issit? Want to pangsai also must come out clubbing ar? Helo! Ah hia! Just because you lift one butt cheek to silent your fart, you think all the people outside waiting cannot smell your shit is it?
Then even worse is the urinal. You see the diagram ming ming got space for 3 person to pee right? But it never fucking happens. The right side guy pee aiming the right corner while the left side guy pee aiming left corner. Then the cibai clubbers (especially the young college type) will NEVER go to the middle wan. Its like they thinking "aiyoo paisehhh people see my gugu lehhh, later they laugh *giggle giggle shyy shyyy lehhh".
KNNB CCB!!! Helo! Already you can see outside got space for 4 person to wait only. The rest have to wait OUTSIDE the toilet. You cannot see the line meh? You cannot smell the shit coming from the cubicle making our face green meh? Just because you feel insecure about your small gugu and we dowan to be cibai to cut your line! You think because your bimbo girlfriend laugh at your small gugu we all going to give a shit?!?
And then you have the cibais standing on the red cross on the diagram. Helo! You stand there everytime the door open kena your head, very syok is it? Make way la kanineh!
Then comes the ultimate super cibai fuckers. Remember the old saying (i forgot from where d), that 'no matter how much you shake it, a drop or two of urine will still leak into your underwear'? These ultimate super cibai fuckers dont believe in that wan. After peeing they will do this:
VIGOROUSLY FOR LIKE 10 FUCKING SECONDS!!!
wahhh chaooo ciiii baiiiii your fucking piss is spilling all over!! Kena my cibai arm already la you blardy gong cibai!!! Kanine you actually trying to shake off the leftover or are you actually trying to make sperm come out!?! Its supposed to be three shakes only!! puah bai!! Study so much but dont know how to shake cock!
Limpek teach you all puah bais la. Use one hand. Make 'V' victory sign with first finger and middle finger. Lift your thumb away so wont kena droplets. Hold your hotdog in between the V like a giant cigarrette. Then smoke it. No dont smoke it, dont be gong cibai. Apply slight pressure on two fingers and flick it firmly DOWNWARDS at an angle towards the urinal. 3 FLICKS ONLY! Any more you are masturbating in public liao!!
Eh hiao beh hiao??! If next time limpek see you masturbating on the urinal again limpek will give a hard kick on your arse to let you fuck the urinal wall.
Ok then back to the topic about bumping into Old Friend beside me in the toilet. Of course limpek was using MIDDLE URINAL LANE because limpek is not a kiasi cibai to make others wait. And limpek got godzilla nothing to be shy of. See mah see la, si hamsap kia. So Old Friend saw me and we started talking lah. Guys are very flexible wan. Pee that time can talk cock sing song also. Not like girls so troublesome shy this shy that. Old Friend finish peeing before me. And he was doing the Flicking No:1 thing like the diagram. Limpek pee syok syok suddenly notice people shaking beside me of course turned to look la.
Eh shit, talk so long liao. Tomoro only continue la.