Sunday, April 4, 2010

First reader, Chikopeks & Noisy Bed

Let’s not talk about anal today la. Since this morning until now has been laosai-ing like third-world country. The last thing I wanna hear is things going in or out of assholes. We’ll continue that story next time…. Don’t worry, Goldfish uncle everything also don’t have, but got a lot of time.

On a sidenote, limpek have a single reader finally!!! Carrie I shall forever commemorate you as my first and sole reader and feel forever indebted to you. Since limpek really thought only my pantat chikopek friends will come to this site and check whether I got reveal their dirty secrets anot. Who knows finally got 1 person bother to read!! HA!! DIE YOU KANINEHS!!! Sommore I check her website, 'cheddarina' WAHHH SHE IS ACTUALLY A HOT CHIO BU!! Title there already can see one sibeh hot amoi!! Hoh seh liao la!!! Wahh limpek must’ve done a lot of charity last life, give to humankind. Maybe limpek last time is sun yat sen? That’s why so brillian? Can sing like Michael Jackson? Hemsem like Kutchee Ashton? see… somemore can rhyme. Jia hua hee already.

Then I see punya see, mana tau….. SHE IS MARRIED LIAO!!!

straight away limpek...

Aihh... 28 year old uncle… really cham… going to be alone…. whole life liao… me and four walls…世上只有妈妈好~~~

Suan le ba, life's like that

So, supposedly sleeping through a hangover from last night's kaulat party at Zouk, limpek asyik kena woken up by SMS from the bunch of blardy chikopeks. First one was from Tiong Beng.

"I hav to admit. Age catching up. Really really cannot drink n work nex morning. Si beh suffer now, waiting to close shop n rest. But 2nite sure kena punishment from wife, for yesterday MIA"

Tiong Beng is open IT shop in shopping mall wan. So never have holiday or weekend off wan. Sibeh ke-lian. I malas to layan the sms, went back to sleep. Then sms from my brother Cliffard

"Tiong Beng, u r da man la.. apo ni, share la. Sms circulate us 4 only, so scared for wat. Whr u loot her? Hahaha"

Then Tiong Beng:

"D story is yesterday Tobby completely fuck up. Cliffard and Weeman hav to jaga him take home. Leaving me, Dumbo and Garren. Dumbo left and I fetch Garren home coz his car in Kepong. Sync our cover story k!"

Nabeh by now I also quite awake d. Early morning sms fly here fly there... all details sommore so complicated.

Then Weeman's turn.

"TB kau lat ha. Loot her in ur car ala jack neo style isit?"

Then Tiong Beng.

"At her apart at damansara. Stupid cheap bed, like gonna collapse, so noisy! Told me nex time my place. Siao Boh! but she WET man I tell ya! Left my wallet there! And she know im married. Weeman. ur doing? Full story nex time la. Chipet Cliffard, SMS, wan the whole world to know AR!"

At this point I was laughing like gugujiao already about the bed. Imagining it going EE-O-EE-O-EE-O like those old bicycle when you never oil the chain. Then somemore the capital WET... hahaha why must put capital leh? Puah bai this Tiong Beng. I was thinking maybe this is not regular wet, but like melimpah limpah pouring waterfall wet! thats why must put capital! Hahaha. Maybe she pee on you la Beng! Then somemore go and leave wallet there. Wah, if limpek is the girl, limpek will phone him...

"Eh siao eh... tomoro you go and sell your IT shop. Sell everything. Then I want RM300,000. I give you until friday. You dowan? You dont love your wife? What you think if I tell your wife and show him this wallet? That time see who wet? When your shit also come out I see your pants wet anot?!"

HAHAHA. Sibeh hongkan liao this Tiong Beng. Hahaha when he give the RM300,000 (this guy sure got wan la, very hoh seh wan his business) then the girl can buy big big emperor size bed. Hahaha. Then wont collapse already. But Tiong Beng's piggy bank will collapse. Inside khang-khang no support.

Wah but this girl ha, not bad wan, quite chio wan. Without makeup limpek not sure la, because she seem to use quite heavy make up. She is those oobak oobak type, meaty meaty, so got quite some lingkus on her. Tiong Beng always also like these oobak girls. Always also say those more wet. Kaninah I think maybe his gugu skin very sensitive. Abit of friction will tear off from the head. But the weird thing is, his wife is SIBEH SIBEH skinny wan! Like tek-ko liddat skinny. Go figure.

These chikopeks really mong kang wan. Wan to hamsap then dont get married mah. Like limpek. Stay single. Give alot of Godzilla love to many amois. Let them use me to fill whatever emptiness they have in their life. They know at that Godzilla moment I truly love them and want them to be happy wan. Then enough for them liao. Even if it last only for that moment. Enough for limpek also. Because outside in real world all also fake wan.

But Tiong Beng must thank me for giving him the last minute encouragement. At the end of the nite, it was only left me, my date Twinkie, Tiong Beng, that girl Crystal,

and her original date Forgot-His-Name. Yes, originally she brought a date along wan. Hahaha. But that yuppie nerd is like gong gong liddat somemore selamba drink people's brandy never offer to pay. At first we just layan layan abit lor. Then everybody left already because those puki cannot drink but wanna banzai end up puking everywhere and left us. Then I just suddenly felt bored and want to go home liao, so I turn to Tiong Beng and told him "Eh, what you waiting for? bring her back liao la. I cover for you and distract mister yuppie there". Then I proceed to go purposely talk to mister yuppie. Waraoeh... these yuppie type guys, really sien kah nah lan. Talk to him limpek feel limpek better talk to my Godzilla. My Godzilla also more interesting than the things he talk about.

Then next thing I know, Tiong Beng really sneak off with Crystal! Kaulat! Hahaha that girl didnt even say anything to yuppie gongkia u know? Girls really horrible. Just disappear suddenly and go play oos-oos. Right after that I boh layan yuppie d and continue goreng goreng dirty dancing with my darling date Twinkie. Then went home and pengsan. Cibai u fuckers must believe me, I didnt bring Twinkie home la. Still got some goodness left in Goldfish uncle ok?

By the last sms, i suddenly remember "Oh SHITTT!!! Cibai liao!!! supposed to go pray grandfather for ching bing this morning."

Hongkan lor, another reason for my old man to tiu me kau kau lat. And maybe left rm100 for me in the will. Aiya fuck it la... nothing new. But hopefully ah kong will not blame me and continue po pui po pui me ok? Thank u thank u, pls make me huat tat and hua hee this year ok? rest in peace.

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