Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Look Ma, It's A Bung Hole!

Last week everywhere people talking about the singkapo flood. Limpek no need see newspaper, read several blogs also can see many pictures already. Limpek also know from overseas usually flood not covered by insurance, correct boh? Because its quite uncommon natural disaster.

Insurance as usual, always con people this way. You pay and pay and then when shit happens the blardy con-ladies will say "oh mister, soli ha this kind of incident no cover wan. Its written here on page 24356 paragraph 578 and 1/2. Here's a complimentary coffee mug though, we're very sorry to hear about the dead garupa fishes in your car." Suddenly you regret trying to peek down her two unbuttoned blouse rather than paying attention to the super fine prints in the contract.

Thats why insurance is the biggest 'con'-cept in todays industries to bullshit the modern generation.
Do you notice they always have their faces (mugshot) on their namecards? Limpek's boss say wan "only those biggest conmen/conwomen will have their faces on the business cards." Because they need to sell themselves rather than the actual product/service. Because they also know their product/service is bullshit wan.

So after flood everybody bank account also kena wash away. It is such a pity. Alot of fancy cars in singkapo also kena celup water. If in Malaysia not too bad because mostly Proton cars. Proton cars is like aluminium tin like that, very light so can float on water wan. Thats why they charge the local Proton price similar to Mercedes in overseas. Same concept like carbon fiber mah ngam mou?

But lucky Malaysia no such flood problem. Not because we got no flood but its because we had too many floods before. Eventually the stupid gahmen got sick of soaking their lazy wrinkly lampah every other day in muddy water and started launching projects to prevent flood.

Well... actually not really also... limpek take it back. The rich corrupted politician fucks all live at hilltops and high lands anyway... The ones soaking our balls in the sewer water is you and me. The consequences of buying shit-high over-valued houses built in cheap ex oil palm estates. Not only we spend half our life trying to pay off the lampah house, we spend another half trying to kill the fucking termites. The developers (along with the gahmen fucks involved of course) think we are only same standard with termites. They eat wood, we eat grass. Together we live happily ever after in the ex oil palm estate.

"soaking in humid weather promotes fungal growth" Mario & Luigi

But at the very least we're not swimming to work nowadays like how we used to swim back from school during floods. So, mai hiam still beh pai. The only flood we have in Malaysia nowadays are the ones in Parlimen when the ceiling leak.

But then Parlimen only mah... most important place for lawmakers in Malaysia only mah.... what's the big deal? See at times like those we must be positive and remember the theory of relativity from Einstein. If stadium roof can collapse, brandless computers can cost tens of thousands, National Palace can cost 800 million, Port Klang can make billions disappear, hot gers can be blown to pieces, men can be thrown off windows, whats the big deal about some leaky ceilings in Parlimen? So next time feel free to grab a boob or two of a total stranger... and then use the theory of relativity with reference to the pedophile rapists caught yesterday and see if you can convince the police.

Speaking of the leaky Parlimen ceilings who can forget Malaysia's biggest asshole, Datuk Bung Mokhtar Radin...

Now, now, limpek is not trying to be rude or anything, but it wasnt limpek who named him an asshole. Check urban dictionary here.

1. bung hole

Another term for asshole, derived from the hole that a bung (stopper for a hole in a barrel) fits in.

Eg: "Dude, my bung hole is covered with dingleberries."

Mr. Bunghole Mokhtar (barbaric ape MP of Kinabatangan) said to lady MP Fong of Batu Gajah "Mana ada bocor? MP Batu Gajah bulan bulan pun bocor" (where got leak? MP of Batu Gajah every month also leak). Thus Datuk Anus Mokhtar single handedly set sexual discrimination and professionalism back to 50 years ago at the Parlimen. But what did Malaysians expect to come out from an anus other than shit and fart?

Of course this year Datuk Anus was again in the limelight after his polygamous relationship was revealed. His secretly-married second wife was Zizie Ezette, a much sought after actress back then. Limpek think it was WAAYYYY back then coz limpek never even heard her name. Much condemnation has been placed on Datuk Anus as deserved, but perhaps the gold-digging skank should share some of the attacks? She probably craves fatherly love from this oldman 20 years her senior. Eww. Zizie has once again proved that many girls are suckers for assholes. Or the Porsche.

Datuk Anus was fined with polygamy supposedly, but during the hearings the couple displayed very casual and joyful mood, smiling and joking about before speeding off in his Porsche Cayenne. What a mockery of the system. What a mockery of Malaysia. What a joke.

Were they not blowing hot air about the corrupted dumbass councillor of Opposition party yesterday? The Stupid Star paper, as usual, will always feature frontpage whenever a story is detrimental to the opposition party. Well, if they're really interested in wiping up shit, perhaps they can start with their own bunghole.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Cannot die so easy wan

Words have been scarce. Nevermind the fact that limpek wrote a full 2 page entry on monday, fell asleep and knocked the company laptop off the bed. Thus causing the ancient machine to freeze, and then restart, and the entire entry gone along with it. Would've been fine if limpek wrote it while online because of the autosave thing... but this ancient piece of shit doesnt have wireless (god knows who fucked it up). Well basically, words have been scarce... and the lost of one full entry make limpek sien kah na lan.

Limpek had always been better at taking a long time off to write one huge long piece essay rather than these short outbursts required by blogs. Hence limpek's not a good blogger. And even worse will be something like Twitter; constantly updating with a sentence or two about the most boh-liao stuff. Limpek never got the whole idea about Twitter. Despite the fact that a great blogger once said that Twitter sounds like a short lanjiao. Limpek also concur, Gojira is everything but 'ter'.

But then again everyone seems to like Twitter. Reading a random statement every other minute from someone is very syok meh? I mean, what is limpek gonna say on my twitter? Limpek now taking a shit in KLCC. 2 minutes later update, limpek push until face green, the head finally pop out liao. Then 2 minutes later, Damn, went back in. Then 2 minutes later, hailat, forgot to bring tissue. Kanineh like that also want to report ar?

But still people love Twitter. Seefatt Chang also told me blog cannot survive without Twitter. What the flying fuck. Maybe limpek will just get Twitter then... but call it Twi-teng. Twi-tua also can. Then will make sure to update whenever limpek go pangsai.

Limpek was sent outstation for a few days also, busy kena bite by mosquito so no time to blog. Kanineh la, proper laptop also dont have, you teach me how to blog! Block mosquito also beh hu beh hu. Come back only then boss ask to become cow become dog. Really kanasai. Since limpek decided not to resign (hard to find similar pay at this age and economy), the boss keep taruk limpek with work.

Maybe he trying to sabo limpek? Fuck it, limpek like cockroach wont die so easy wan.

Just like alot of bloggers want to sabo limpek's blog, want this blog to die. Limpek dont know why they must act hero and diss or make fun of the blog. For some reason, most are the very ugly bloggers. They say cannot accept limpek's blog.... puahcibai limpek also cannot accept their face wat. You dont see limpek go kaupeh kaubu online also? Knn gong cipet

But anyway limpek also fuck them no free la. If got time to layan limpek might as well go polish the boss's testicles before he give me more shit.

But got few bloggers very nice and generous to spend time on limpek's blog, and even mention it on theirs. Limpek always feel very humbled when it happens. Like jz, nana and most recently uber hot model blogger Chrispytine. Limpek want to say thank you for the generous promotion its so nice of you all. When other puahbai bloggers bashed limpek, which is quite expected, you all gave limpek a reading chance. If limpek see you all outside limpek will give you a hug and kiss and free massage okay? Satisfaction gerenti wan.

Chrispytine wrote this on her entry:

My favourite blog out of all the nominees is this very ham sup but hilarious blog. You need abit of patience when you start off reading though. As its mostly in dialects and spelt accordingly. His hum sup illustrations are office and living room friendly. I was looking forward to seeing this man in person (will he look like a pervert or a dashing young man?), alas he still remains a mystery."

Limpek read liao also eyes wet wet. Wan lai limpek's C-grade blog also can be considered favorite. By uber hot ger somemore. Kamsia kamsia Chrispy. Limpek assure you limpek look like an old dashing perverted young man. This kind of combination very hard to explain. Only can show. Actually limpek also love to read her blog whenever got time. Her blog is good stuff and her bikini pics can nose bleed wan. Limpek think maybe we should do a joint blog. This will be our banner...

I know. Damn stim right? Limpek is actually so en-tao and Chrispy so chio ger. The banner so romantic macam the Yang Guo and Xiao Long Nu. Nola Chrispy dont angry first. Limpek didnt mean the chinagirl xiao long nu. Only the most positive associations! We will be San Diu Hap Lui!!! (diu not the fuck diu okay)


Limpek must say this John is a very stupid person. Obviously this is limpek, not Yutaki. Yutaki look like this one...

See? notice got slight difference wan. Limpek like, maybe 5% more entao than yutaki.

Stupid John say "Fuck off!"

Okay fine... maybe that might not be limpek, but limpek also got about 95% look like that entao.

Stupid John say "If yutaki is a beautiful phoenix, you are like the shit from the phoenix's asshole".

knnccb. At least its still literally hot shit. T_T

On a last note, limpek finally cross the 10,000 hit in the counter liao. Its such a happy thing, limpek remember keep loading the website to touch the 10 total. Then keep asking limpek's useless porno-surfing friends to keep loading goldfishuncle to hit the 100 total. Then join the sg awards reach 1000 total. Finally six month later since birth, reloading and reloading until finger also pong pah already.... reach 10000 liao. WOOOO HOOOO!!!!

But apparently that is like, total of 1 day hit for the hot ger bloggers qiuqiu or xuesha.

Nehmind.... limpek still happy. Like cockroach, cannot die so easy wan.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Sawadeekupppp.... and cipet contractor

Tuesday morning limpek just reach office only, got a call from a contractor liao. Niaseng, limpek cigarrette also havent smoke finish, call up limpek to kaupeh kaubu. This cipet project manager, Mr. P, is from a big public listed construction company. Everytime he call, sure got no good khang thao for limpek. This chao contractor is already famous for being cibai conman already wan.

Limpek guessed correctly, really got no good khangthao. Spend 10 minutes talk cock to limpek about world cup, say cannot adjust back schedule, cannot sleep properly, body aching... kaninahhh cry father cry mother at 9.00am. Granted, limpek also understood. Even today limpek still cannot adjust back from World Cup time. Keep falling asleep after dinner at about 8pm and then wake up 3am. Straightaway jump infront TV and open computer to load betting website. Kaninah, sometimes limpek swear can even hear "GOALLL!!!" when sleeping. Really... siao liao.

But the good thing is limpek has been early to work every single day this week. Like, 30mins early! Boss also quite amazed. Limpek ownself also amazed.

Then Mr.P finally stated his actual intention... want limpek to bring him go massage in F3 near Bintang Palace. Limpek think think, nabeh, F3 where got massage wan! F3 pure chicken farm! nonononono if limpek bring you there, confirm minimum you will spend RM500 for no reason! Project also never give, spend so much for what.

So limpek told him, we just go real massage place la. F3 is for fucking only. Limpek also say body schedule still abit siao-siao, no mood for fucking at all (just an excuse la, where got such thing as no mood to fuck wan. This kind of things only happen to hairy wrinkly mid-age angmoh uncles). Mr.P abit beh song, but he also didnt push much for it, since he knows limpek is aware of his lanjiao pattern.

End up we went to some Balinese Thai massage place limpek also cant remember the name liao. Oh wait, I think the name is Balinese Thai Massage. Abit also not creative.

The place Mr. P lead one, at first he say is clean massage. Reach there nia limpek see got CCTV. Signboard small small. Kanineh, clean lanjiao la clean.

"Dont worry bout it. They do wonderful massage! Of course there's happy endings too if you like it, you know what I mean? And they massage you topless!"

Chao cibai. Kena con by this bastard P. Limpek tell you all these angmoh speaking, professional-looking, well-versed, sharply dressed midage uncles are the worst. Outside pretend like fucking Obama, inside more sleazy than Ron Jeremy. If you dont have the supplier-client kind of relationship with them, you'll never know how sickly pretentious they are. Probably husbands of those aunties who beh tahan limpek's blog. HAHAHA.

Limpek also abit tulan kena con but what to do, social slave is like that one. So off he went with the biggest nehneh Thai girl, so quickly you'd think he is having diarheaa. Limpek told the manager just one session regular massage. No stepping, no oil, no acrobatics, no whacking planes. Kanineh Tuesday noon la what you expect.

But limpek told him it'd be nice if they send the prettiest girl la. At least it'll help brighten a dead Tuesday with a pretty face.

In the room (if you can call that lampah cubicle a room) the setting is quite nice. Got proper massage bed and candles and speakers playing music. The Thai girl also really quite pretty, like, Charmaine Sheh kind
of cute. But as always la, pretty girls means massage like shit wan.

Charmaine Sheh - CHIO!

Thai Charmaine : "Me take off shirt?"

Limpek: "You like lor, me on bed backwards also cannot see anything".

She took off nevertheless, limpek dont think it was a question, rather a statement.

Her massage.... wahpiang... really like shit. Feels more like some chao auntie shopping for steaks for their dirty husbands; prodding and fingering the Kobe quality marbling on limpek's back. Sometimes even feel like she is trying to make fishball on limpek's back. Nabeh, dont know what she's doing.

It was getting boring so limpek talk cock with her to pass time.

Limpek: "So where are you from?"

Thai Charmaine: "Thailand..."

Limpek: (sweat...) "Yes I know Thailand... where in Thailand?"

Thai Charmaine: "Chiang Rai"

Limpek: "Ohhh... Chiang Rai girls all pretty like you?"

Thai Charmaine: "Hehehe... yes all very pretty. You know Chiang Rai?"

Limpek: "Err.... no. But I know Haatyai!"

Thai Charmaine: "Ohhh? Naughty boy ya go Haatyaii..."

Limpek: "Heeheehee... me no naughty but Gojira very naughty"

Thai Charmaine: "Ah? hehehe..."
(limpek dont think she understand)

Limpek: "Limpek also know Bangkok... many people go there bang cock, ya?"

Thai Charmaine: "Ah? hehehe..." (confirm she dont understand. Bangcock joke fail)

Thai Charmaine: "You know speak Thai?"

Limpek: "I know... Sawadee Kupppp..."

Thai Charmaine: "Ohhh hehehe veli goood... sawadee kaaa..."

Limpek: "kapkumkappp..."

Thai Charmaine: "Ohhh? hehehe goood..."

Limpek: "err... pad thai.... lard nha.... tomyum goong..."

Thai Charmaine: "Hehehehe"

Limpek: "...tom ga kai.... pad key mao...."

Thai Charmaine: "Hehe... okay.."

"Tony jaa....bird tongchai...."

Thai Charmaine: "okay okay...." (she also beh tahan limpek liao...)

*5 mins silence...

Limpek: "You got follow news from home?"

Thai Charmaine: "Ah?"

Limpek: "You know... what happen... home... Thailand..."

Thai Charmaine: "Ohhh... yes yes..." (she really understand?)"

Limpek: "You support Abhisit or Thaksin?"

Thai Charmaine: "Aiyaaa they both no good! I support myself!"

Hahaha best answer limpek heard about this. She really does support herself. Probably along with her entire impoverish family in some hantu village... while these reds and yellows are being manipulated by big dickheads to clash and kill for them.

Limpek: "No? No red shirt? No yellow shirt?"

Thai Charmaine: "No no... All no good. Me is good. Me no shirt. Hehehehe"

Isnt she just cute? She was shirtless afterall. Topless and funny... cant get any better than that.

After the lack of conversation, limpek really fell asleep. Probably dreamt of limpek's back being eaten by fishes slowly and turned into millions of fishballs.

Being woken up by Mr. P was probably the least appealing experience ever. Open eyes only see chao contractor instead of a pretty lovely girl. Knnccb...

He excused himself to disappear into the toilet as usual during billing. Limpek took his bill...

MAHAIIIIII!!! Not only that bastard had a massage, he had TWO girls to massage him! And he added the oil + aroma theraphy package and even went the WHOLE package (sex) with one of the girls!

Kaninah wat the fuck he think this is? Dim sum sex buffet ar!??!

Lao tian ar, my money...

Monday, July 12, 2010

Swimming in Beer

Viva Español!!!

Gracias for the 64 jugs of beer!

now limpek really need to get some sleep... reply tmr

hailat, still gotta work

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Quick note

Its too bad limpek couldn't make it to the SG Blog Awards. Limpek was quite keen to go also, can meet up with all those bloggers. Somemore can see all the chio modelling bloggers... stim man!

But G.I Joe, limpek's brader in SG will be in shift so wont be in town. That puahbai... people drive car he drive jet planes wan sibeh song. And get paid shitload doing so. Without him driving limpek around, sure end up lost somewhere in Geylang. Or the new casino.

Somemore tonight already plan to watch the 3rd placing game with the other chikopeks in KL. Getting ready to go out now... but limpek just wanted to drop a message before leaving.

Good luck to all the finalists at the awards, limpek really wish can be there to tumpang glamor with you all. Good luck yu-kym, butterfly, ms.chorlor, chrispytine, pekchek and few others limpek really think should win. All the best and finish up limpek's share of the beer dont waste! And snap more photos of the hot modelling bloggers pls!!

Kam sia

Friday, July 9, 2010

A Match More Important Than World Cup Finals

Have you heard about the match?

Some rich senile old men arranged to have the most 'exciting' football match ever...

Die Mannschaft



That's right, you better be excited.

And no, that guy there is not the Ramly burger seller at the corner of your neighborhood.

Football Association of Malaysia (FAM) says "... we believe this exposure will cultivate the young talents of Malaysian footballers. Some of whom we personally believe are good enough to be playing in the international field. We are certain from this experience and media coverage, renowned clubs like Chelsea, Barcelona, Intermilan, etc will be swarming to sign in our local talents. We feel that this is the best decision we've ever made in the interest of football fans worldwide and the Malaysian nation."

And then they went on to say "... after studying the formation and strategies that Joachim employs for the German team, we have rather high confidence that the Malaysian team will emerge the winner. By employing quick long-ball tactics, we are certain in gaining the upper hand and win the German team. The real question is, winning by how many goals."

oh wait, here comes the best part...

the miraculous oracle PAUL the prophesying OCTOPUS was consulted to give his input...


we rawkzarrr yawww!!!!

Paul the Octopus picture sent by Tiong Beng... no idea who edited it. Damn good job though!
Sorry FAM, dont sue me pls.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

And then there were two

At least tonight it was worth staying up for...

And finally, down they go... (along with dblchin nyeh nyeh)

So now its the final showdown.


In the end, it will be Spain to kill Netherlands afterall. Limpek can even smell the 64 jugs of beer already. Sorry Oranje, you're going down.


Tetex at Archidex

Original pic from Ooi Guan Yi

So last week was Archidex right, the biggest exhibition in Malaysia for building and construction materials. Being a chao uncle contractor it is a tradition for limpek to attend it every year. It’s not like there’s much for limpek to do over there, afterall, every year it’s just the same lanjiao things displayed in a different way.

But being a pretend-engineer / fake specialist limpek at least have to act interested and go look see look see. What? You think there are actually real ‘specialists’ in Malaysia? Why you think so many structures collapse or leak over time? Why for every little project there’s a ton of foreign consultants?

roof can collapse

Malls can burn

Though it helps in Malaysian Tourism... Good spots for cam-whoring

So must always invite limpek's favorite sexy ahlian blogger...

Mamat Zaki Construction Cheat One™

And yet Najib wants to develop nuclear reactor technology. Hohseh... limpek think can say goodbye Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia liao. We shall toast to our colorful future of multiple limb babies and Gojiras crawling about in our drains. Ya, the real Godzillas... not the sexciting batangs. It shall truly be 1southeastasia.... Maybe Rosmah can be queen just because of the sheer size of her head.

Oh, sorry, lets get back to topic before limpek attract too much ISA attention. Sorry gahmen and readers, those were all just lies. No foreign con-sultans, no redundant projects, no nukes and definitely no Rosmah deformed head. She’s as pretty as can be. (limpek just puked a little in my mouth).

Every year limpek will bring this bunch of lazy useless gahmen engineers and consultants to the exhibition. Its not like they’re really interested also, but mention a free day off-office and the free bollocks that they give out in these exhibition, there’s no way these leeches can resist. Throw in a free lunch and they’ll all scramble into your car and maybe even ride on your roof.

Why aren’t they interested? Because these gahmen engineers and their gahmen projects are usually sub-out to private companies anyway. Yet they still need to hire hordes of employees to do nothing but tickle each others’ testicles. Take a wild guess who’s really paying for these testicle tickling sessions? That’s right. But unfortunately it is important to limpek that these projects go back to limpek’s company. Of course, our company being competent or not is the least of concern in these lands. As long as limpek keep massaging their testicles, my building roof can collapse and be featured on the frontpage news it wouldnt even matter. The company can still be awarded to build the national palace next.

TTS... a favorite past-time among Gahmen Works Dept.

So limpek took the usual suspects from their offices and brought them straight to the expo. Barely even an hour into the expo they were already whining about lunch-time and being hungry. Sure, limpek think, while you’re at it why not take my keys and wallet, go drive off and do some shopping. Heck wanna move into my house and sleep on my bed as well?

Limpek took them to a lavish restaurant, and spent them lunch (as usual). The most annoying thing is there’s NEVER any thank yous or indication of appreciation after. They have mastered the act as though it is the most natural thing for me to do (to spend them) like limpek OWES it to them. Sick puahbais.

There is one engineer, a female Malay girl at her early thirties (32-34?), that had always had a thing for limpek. Granted limpek have to pretend like the most charming and generous contractor whenever infront of her & company but for some weird reasons she gets super horny around limpek. Limpek wont deny its kinda flattering, but she’s not like Siti Nurhaliza (younger days) hot or Mizz Nina sexy. She’s kinda… typical looking.

She’s short (barely reach limpek's shoulders) with big eyes and big lips. A little meaty but she has megagantic boobs spilling out all over even with the traditional ‘baju kurung’ Malay gear. Meaty is kinda good... Limpek have no complains for skinny 'raisins on the wall' or meaty 'bah kut teh'... but you know lah what they say, san san jit ki kut, kang hoo kua beh chut. (thin thin one bone, kungfu cannot see) (direct translation fail).

Lina is her name. She doesn’t read blogs (hopefully limpek’s right). Whenever limpek stop by their office or take them out to lunch or dinner, Lina will flirt shameless with limpek. Joking about things like Chinese dick size being small and asking limpek to show her just to prove Gojira…. Or things like claiming she can make limpek shoot 10meters away and strike the walls on the opposite side of her desk. Yeah, shameless flirtings like that even when the other colleagues are around. Usually limpek will be on PR mode and just flirt back harmlessly to keep them happy.

But that day was different. For some reason Lina was being incredibly extra horny. From the moment limpek picked them up, she talked about nothing but sex and lanjiaos! On and on she's going about sex positions la... SM la... tittyjobs la... inserting weird objects la... niaseng even Yu Kym would be embarassed.

In the expo she took limpek’s hand and kepit between her boobs to walk around the exhibition. Limpek had to weasel every way to rescue my arm back. Kanineh! Sibeh beh hiao pai seh! In the car she complained about being tired and started moaning as though she’s having sex. At first everyone thought she was just being funny and laughed it off. But after 15 mins of that shit everyone also realize this siaocharboh ki-hiao until ki-siao liao.

And then she insisted that limpek drop off everyone first, then send her straight home. Way off limpek’s direction! Kaninah, at that point limpek also can sense some bad fengshui coming liao.

Then she started fondling Gojira. WTF!!! There we were, stuck in traffic in the middle of K.L, and this crazy Malay girl in tudung and baju kurung has her hand inside limpek’s pants. Playing with Gojira. Siao liao siao liao...

Of course Gojira couldn’t wait to wake up and roar. Limpek also quite bengang, ask her “ehhh jahat ar you…. What you trying to do! Public ni, Lina!”

She replied, “Want to check your so-called Godzilla mahhh… you kan selalu mengada-ngada tu... Wahhh, wake up already! Somemore want to pretend shy?”

Have to shamefully admit… limpek was quite song that time. Getting a handjob in the middle of town with so many people around us, from a crazy nympho tudung stranger.

Here’s where limpek try to justify myself. Limpek is single, Lina is single, so there’s no hurting anybody. Lina is horny, and if she continues what shes doing, limpek will be horny too. Lina is a high-positioned engineer that can do A LOT of favors for limpek.

Okay. Cibai liao. The excuses doesn’t even sound convincing anymore, does it?

Reach her place already Lina asked limpek “come up and chill la, I live alone, and this place is safe”.

Kanineh. Safe for you la of course. Not safe for Gojira mah.

Wait. Safe? Oh right. JAIS (Islamic religious officers) might just jump our asses and catch us for breaking the close-proximity law. Yes, it’s a ‘crime’ for Muslims in Malaysia to be in close quarters alone in close proximity with the opposite sex. And they can be forced to get married. ‘Khalwat’ is what they call it. But good news for limpek, being Chinese this doesn’t apply to me. Nevertheless she can still get in trouble.

Limpek was thinking, ‘lanjiao la come up chill… come up means today no need exercise already, waist and knee will be tired.’

But Gojira already led limpek halfway up the stairs already HAHAHA.

- fast forwarded -

The sex was pretty disappointing. No BJs, massages, tease or anything. Another dead fish on the bed, expecting limpek to go thru karma sutra myself. The only interesting part was because she's only the second Malay girl limpek has had sex with (non-working girl la, I mean), and the first one who wears a tudung. Limpek asked her to keep her tudung and baju kurung on, because limpek always had a thing for costumes.

Well, tudung and baju kurung arent exactly costumes, but cincai la. Costumes/uniforms are always the best. Limpek had tried nurse, frenchmaid, witch, cheongsam and kimono before with the exs, and it had always been fun. Limpek had always wanted to do it with a girl in tudung, something about barley dangling on the hood of the scart is just exciting. Yes la, sick la, limpek know la.

See what limpek mean?

But... dont end up with this...

But Lina didnt let limpek fire an Olympic load on the tudung. So... no barley on the hood. (sounds like a rap song)

You know that post-orgasm reflections that one always get after sex?

Well... this time around, a sort of cloudy kinda regret is all limpek felt.

Limpek wonder what's wrong...

All, I know is, it just kinda felt like this...

Perhaps they were right...

Casual meaningless sex eats at you slowly over time...

By the time you realize it, there won't be much of you left.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Netherland 3 : Uruguay 2 KNN CCB

Kanineh Holland... always pull this kind of shit. Limpek take Holland give 1/2 - 1 ball, 90 minutes oon oon eat bee hoon already thought can win full. Last minute give in an easy goal like that. Ciiibaaaiiiii only win half!!! Reduce rm600 suddenly!!
Mah cipet 2 bottles of whiskey down the drain. Somemore limpek buy open small, since holland always play like kiasi liddat. Suddenly turn out 5 goals.. wahpiang!

Just like during game against Slovakia, give 1 ball. 93 minutes already 2-0 oon oon eat bee hoon mah. Fucking 93 minutes 30 something seconds let in goal 2-1. Win nothing. Chaoo ci baiiii!

Then somemore put Brazil out and make limpek lose big time.

The cibai mamak crowd also sibeh nahlan wan. With all those fucking mat rempits mocking, sneering and making noise like fucking monkeys. Limpek also feel like throwing my chapati at them. Wanna cheer, cheer properly la, no need to be such paria fans.

Kanineh Holland really damn kau suey wan. Waste limpek's effort wear orange boxers for good luck. Somemore eat so many oranges now feel like going to cough.

Limpek hope Spain will kill them kau kau.

That is... if Spain can even survive the blardy German Nazis...

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Brazil Is Out, World Cup Starts Sucking

Brazil is gone.... limpek cannot believe it.

along with a month's salary

not that limpek didnt wanna listen to the previous poll, but the results were too spread out (and besides, limpek really love the Brazilian team.) minus cibai filipe melo

after watching all the teams play in this World Cup,
limpek still think... they were the best

Friday, July 2, 2010

Flying Uncle in Stanchart 2010 Marathon

Limpek was in the Standard Chartered KL Marathon last week. Between training for that and betting and watching the World Cup 16s to final eights, there hardly had been any time to write at all. Plus limpek is still in a limbo over the decision on whether to leave this company or not. Once again, life is full of fhan nao. My apologies for the slow update. However much limpek wish to have all the time in the world to write, sometimes life just doesnt work out the way you want it to.

The Stanchart Marathon was a blast. Limpek really had lots of fun despite the disappointing outcome. With 17500 runners, it was expected to be a success. Limpek only ran in the 10km race although abit beh song cause alot of auntie-uncles, kids and teens also can run the 42km or 21km race. Heck, if tuapui Kenny Sia can run 42km, limpek dont see why limpek's sexy fit and steady body cannot do the same distance in half his time. Thanks to all the cibai ciggarettes and beer, make limpek slowly become fat pua pi kia.

Limpek only managed to log 52 minutes. Ranking also cannot get into top 50. Puahbai. Way off the target of 45 minutes. The 1st place runner only 30+ minutes. Kaninah during the last 3/4 of the race, limpek already saw them running towards the finish line. See liao also beh kam muan.

Worst of all, limpek lost to a good friend from Singapore. We call him G.I Joe. Although G.I Joe was once involved in the elite military force oversea, these few years he had been pretty much drinking his liver away. The last time limpek go club with him, he alone can finish 2 bottles of whiskey. Kaninah... sibeh sampat this kind of guy. 2 litres of whiskey still can stand oon-oon. Limpek 1 bottle also can feel the gugujiao shrink into caterpillar size already. Own mother also probably cannot recognize.

G.I Joe clocked in 50 minutes. Season runners will know that 2 minutes difference is like heaven and earth. Heck, in that 2 minutes, G.I Joe can finish cooking ramen while waiting for limpek to arrive.

First km usually very hard to run properly because all the auntie uncles will be blocking your way. Thousands of them, so you have to run zig-zag like playing Pac Man. So at the first km, limpek try to sneak past them unnoticed from the far side, so they wont even know limpek long gone already. It worked with most of them, Cliffard, Tobby, Tiong Beng, Weeman and neighbor Sean all didnt see. But this blardy G.I Joe saw me and quickly chase. First km he past by limpek, and the very next time limpek saw him was at finish line already. Kanineh. Puahbai!

But at least still beat the rest of the chikopeks. Most of them run like old aunties with menopause, might as well just walk. Sibeh lau kui... hahaha! But okaylah, out of thousands of runners, at least they still maintain under top 100.

The track was around KL, with pretty good scenery. There was a lot of chio gers also! Limpek thought marathon all will be aunties like Chew Mei Fun type, only know how to walk and pok-pek-pok-pek, but turns out alot of fit fit young gers. Seeing them in their tight tops and sports bra, and their butts keat-keat carved out by the spandex, Limpek was very scared Gojira will suddenly wake up. Kanineh, can you imagine, run halfway Gojira stretch out far far, wahpiang, it will be like running and swinging a golf stick at the same time.

So limpek tried to focus instead on one very keat old uncle infront of limpek. The old keat uncle also got very kaulat butt actually. But Gojira doesnt get amused with uncles.

Limpek run until song-song already around 6km suddenly see got high-school cheerleaders at the roadside giving motivation. They jump-jump like sibeh happy, the nehneh also bounce-bounce like sibeh steady. Its like swinging tao-foo in thin plastic bags. Kaninaaa... limpek have to quickly pry my eyes off. If not limpek will automatically run towards them instead. Straightaway limpek have to parking Gojira again just in case he ki-hiao and decide to stretch. Limpek re-parking to 12 o'clock, so even if he stretch out to guailan, its still hidden under shirt. Blardy cheerleaders... sabo limpek.

Kilometer 7, wah cibai go up hill all the way. Limpek also didnt expect got steep hill wan. At halfway limpek really boh-ki already, wanted to take out ciggarette and sit by the roadside. Then can smoke there and look at the nice view of KL from hilltop. Wahaha sibeh enjoy sia...

This fat uncle sibeh ho-seh

Then limpek remember didnt bring ciggarette... exactly because to avoid moments like this! Kanineh boh huat, go back to running lor.

At kilometer 8.5, limpek's black lungs already pumping and puffing overheated liao. Feels like the tar on the lung also going to disattach itself. Kaninah the music on ipod also one loop already, meaning running late thanks to the stupid hill. Limpek was trying to cope with the situation, suddenly hear loud breathing like Japanese porno coming towards nearer and nearer.

Zoom! Suddenly see cipet brother Cliffard run pass limpek! Somemore he give the gugujiao look, like sibeh guai-lan, and purposely swing-swing his shoulders like dancing Cha Cha. Wah kanineh that kind of face you see also want to whack!

I know you are staring at the wrong places...

then who would've thought...





Turns out his last burst of nitrous actually empty tank already wan (apart from him being distracted by some flashing sports panties). By 9km limpek was already right behind his ass. He noticed limpek close up already, tried to fire up a few more times with big steps. Wahaha but limpek see no difference also... he become like those modified Kancil with exhaust pipe as big as your leg - sibeh fucking loud but the car cannot move.

So limpek follow his slow pace to save up energy. Then by 9.5km, limpek's turn to tekan nitrous. Limpek zoom passed him and gave him back the Cha-Cha shoulders. HAHAHA. He probably end up frustrated at the back, running with tears streaming down like the Japanese football team. Thanks to hot pink skirt runner!

Reach finish line liao limpek see puahbai G.I Joe already there. Somemore purposely standing there acting bored with extra cup of 100plus for limpek. Sweat also dry already.

kaaannnineeehhhhhhh tulan....

so limpek quickly go get an extra cup of 100plus, stand there pretend to look bored and wait for Cliffard.


The beh song look on his face at that exact moment is worth the whole 10km torture. Then Cliffard also boh kam muan go and get extra cup of 100plus and wait for the next chikopek to arrive.

But wait punya wait, neighbor Sean also didnt arrive. Limpek we all wait until sien.

Then suddenly heard a familiar voice behind us...

PUAHBAI!! Hahaha! He really think we all blurfuck like sotong. He purposely go one big round around us to the water stands and then come up behind us. Then pretend to have been there for a long time waiting for us already.

But nabeh we see him still panting like just kena chased by dog, and the shirt was completely drenched with sweat. Straightaway know he just arrived. Sean, got timer wan la, you gong cipet!

p/s: End of this month, limpek will be running for the BHP Orange Run around Damansara Curve 11km. Besides that, limpek will be joining the next Standard Chartered Marathon in Singapore! Sounds like alot of fun.

My condolences to friends and families of the runner who passed away from the KL marathon, may he rest in peace.

Also, here's a bet limpek cant make up my mind. Many guys think Holland hasnt rise up to their full potential and if they do tonight, Brazil will be in trouble (especially if Brazil give ball somemore). But from the matches limpek watched so far, Holland play so-so only compare to Brazil sibeh power kaulat. But Brazil will be without Ramires & Elano which is a big deal. All limpek's chikopek friends will be betting on Holland eat ball, but limpek really cant make up my mind. Also, limpek just want to put poll again. So, limpek will bet depending on the poll la okay, thanks

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