Wednesday, April 28, 2010

TNB, Fuck you. Limpek and 7 Viets



Hahaha limpek finally got 1 subscriber for the Goldfish Sexual Harassment subscription liao. How can limpek not give plesen to the very first subscriber!? And hearing miss dblchin say " dont ...photoshop..... my pic..." limpek already cannot hear the rest and fingers already itchy.
You already know limpek like to give plesen wan. And xiaxue say photoshop more important than life. So...

TADA



***edit: oops... kena tiu by first subscriber already. So picture has been removed. Soli to dbklchin, and to others who will not get to see.***


Plesen for first subscriber. The author of the website Miss Camwhore City where limpek always visit to look at her pics and imagine her that way like the pic above.



Back to blogging.


Wednesday 29th. House no electricity! What the flying fuck! Limpek thought today after work go gym for a while. Then come back write one entry about cheong-ing last night. Then go to sleep. Limpek reach home liao, kanineh, see all dark dark. Whole area also like that.

This is the second time this year already no electricity. Its like Tenaga Nasional song song go and pull out your plug, let your kah ch’ng roast at night so that people cannot sleep and end up fucking. Maybe got conspiracy to boost population this way.

You all every year got donno what earth hour, turn off all power for one hour or something like that. Jiak sai la. Limpek all the time also got earth hour wat. This year already got 48 earth hours. Thanks to environmental friendly TNB. Puahbai.

No wonder the Namewee guy so tulan go and fuck TNB in youtube. This siaokia really hero wan. Limpek know its old video la but not everything also must be new and happening wan okay?

Seriously limpek don’t know what kinda shit the gahmen was talking about when they claim we have first world facility. Stupid puahbais. Having the tallest tower for a few years, building a badly invested F1 circuit, Nasikandar development, Port Klang Freak Zone, Monsoon D Cup and all these nonsense doesn’t make us first world one bit. None of the utilities or facilities that limpek need to use works fine.

Electricity: TNB. Tiu Nia Bu. Namewee already explained.

Water: SYABAS. Syabas! Tahniah! Anda telah memenangi bekalan air berbentuk teh kosong untuk selama lamanya.

Internet: Telekom. Wah.. streamyx. Want to see Maria Ozawa porn? limpek will open page, go cook maggi, eat finish maggi, go pangsai, then shower, then wipe dry then sit down, then the 2 minute video ngam ngam load finish. Oh, then suddenly power outage.

Satellite TV: ASTRO. Everytime rain/storm no reception. So meaning when weather is good we should stay home watch TV? But when rain/storm we should go out do something? Like, go get hit by lightning? So Astro is literally telling us to go die? Limpek didn’t bother mentioning RTM because limpek don’t even understand why they exist.


Basic utilities also cannot get it right. First world they say? But knowing them, their standard excuse will be “Eh, be thankful you even got this services la. These are luxury living facilities you know? First world comfort utilities you know?”

Yes, now limpek understand. Last time when limpek’s father always tiu kau me for failing subjects in class or skipping school, limpek should have told him “Eh laupek, be thankful la, limpek not selling K to classmates, smoking weed in school, whacking the teacher and fucking the substitute tudung teacher! So you should praise the heaven for not birthing a devil.”

But then limpek’s laupek would’ve slapped me from Malaysia all the way to Zimbabwe. That’s the kind of mentality our puahbai gahmen or gahmen linked agencies have. ‘Always compare with the worst so you can feel the best’.

So limpek reach home, housing area completely dark dark. Then see the neighbour all outside smoking and talking under the moon, the only source of light.

Neighbour got 7 Vietnam guys all squeeze in one house wan. The house only has 3 rooms, I don’t know how they make it. Want to pangsai also have to take number like Maybank.

But better than last time limpek’s uncle rented a 3 room kampong bungalow to 12 bangala. Walaoeh, when they play the cassette radio, become like Zouk liao. Everytime they cook dinner is like mini kenduri like that. Seems like very happening.

All 7 Vietnam pai kia was outside, not wearing shirt, face like very tulan. They must be do construction site wan bacause a few of them wearing safety helmet. I don’t know why midnight they still wear helmet in the dark. Maybe they think the Americans still want to bomb them?

The streetlight all also dark, but the moon was very bright. I ask them, “No electric?” The one wearing helmet say “Harrr? Prong prong something (don’t know what he saying)”.

Then limpek point to streetlight and make sound “BZZZ BZZZ… no have?” Mr. Helmet smiling very happy say “yes yes no have, 9 o croc”. Probably mean since 9pm.

Limpek also don’t know why he so happy. Then limpek ask “until tomorrow? Morning?” Mr. Helmet say “Yes yes!!” then start to laugh happily and the others also join him.

Limpek then ask “No one complain?”, Mr. Helmet look very lost and don’t know what to say. Then he answer “Er... kom krengg? One? Two? Three? No, seveng”

Limpek (= ____ =’’’) …

Limpek “O-kay.. seveng seveng…” Then the whole 7 viets starts laughing like crazy. The only missing thing in the picture was probably Snow White.

Limpek think this bunch of Vietnamese is abit sot in the head. Like that also funny. Well, at least they don’t look so tulan anymore. Limpek also considered make them happy liao.

This few Vietnamese very hardworking wan. They leave to work early in the morning, come back usually after sun go down. You see their skin become darker and darker, probably toiling under the sun. They rarely eat outside, maybe because want to save money. You can hear them cooking together and feel the kenduri every dinner time.

They usually stay in the house. Sometimes play guitar and sing together in the balcony. Their voice is abit kanasai but can still sense the passion. But tonight with the whole area’s light out they are gathering outside under the moonlight. Seems like tonight was special to them.

Maybe it reminds them of home at Vietnam kampung? A bunch of shirtless men after a hard days work, smoking and talking by the padi field with no electric. They all seem used to having no electricity.

Maybe the few wearing helmet because it feels like kampong strawhat?

It seems like to them, no matter what kind of shit life throws at them, its okay wan. Because in the end, they still have each other. And that's good enough a reason to laugh together.

Limpek also start to become more fond of these sot Vietnamese.



Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Man with Hymen and Filipino Pimple Remedy



Last entry's quiz, Old Beng got it right
...

Limpek tell you veteran blogger really no play play wan. One look and Old Beng already know whose hair it is. Yes, its xiaxue's hair (btw, need to pay copyright to post blogger pic or use their name wan ar? I donno these things wan leh, please dont sue poor uncle)

















very hot can see side boobs

Pic download from google of course, just like all my other images. Limpek dont even own a camera.


Oldbeng is the famous author of the blog, lim peh ka li kong, very famous and entertaining wan. Thank you for participating in the Million Dollar Goldfish Uncle competition. The plesen is a Million Dollar worth of a photoshop edited pic of yourself. Since xiaxue always say photoshop is more important than life itself.

But limpek look and look, nabeh all your pics also you censor out. Boh huat... have to make do. So here is your hemsem oldbeng kena z'ng (modify) like how people z'ng cars. No, not car z'ng.

TADA!!!



ezos pipe also tua tua ki already. Like Mugen Honda Kawasaki Ninja

Sibeh sexy liao.


So just now limpek work work very tired, run to take a long break and pangsai in toilet. Its the most common slacking tactic in Malaysia. Limpek company toilet small and smelly wan, have to share with staff. Going to start make chocolate cake liao suddenly remember limpek didnt bring phone in to play play. Shit! Si liao... sien kah na lan liao. Meaning will be bored like penis. Yes, penis usually quite bored wan.

So limpek simply grab old newspapers laying around to read and kill time. Lucky got few newspaper havent read before. Found one article that made me laugh until puah bai suddenly. It was the 22 April 2010 'The Star' newspaper on page T14 Woman section.

What? Uncle cannot read Woman section meh? Got alot of lingerie model pictures cannot ar?


Cant find it online so limpek will be generous and type the article out for you.


BLISSFUL IGNORANCE

Basic biology is a given but you would be amazed at how little young women in parts of Asia understand their bodies. In this day and age, 68% of them still can't tell female fact from fiction. Here are some results of 'The Kotex Bodylife IQ Study':


India:
Young Indian women are the most shy, and more than 3/4 have never examined their own genitals. They were the most misinformed about their bodies with 71% young women not knowing that menses and urine don't flow from the same opening.


Vietnam:
There is a strong prevalence of myths and generally low basic health knowledge. Only 2 in 10 womencould tell the difference between fact and myth and 77% could not answer the questions on pregnancy correctly.


Indonesia: The most clued in when it came to health questions and distinguishing truth from fiction, yet Indonesian women scored the lowest when it came to pregnancy and biology. 53% believe that they only have two orifices down there.

The Phillipines: The least body smart in the region. 54% believe that beer increases menstrual flow and 38% believe that applying the blood from your first period to your face prevents pimples. 98% got the biology questions wrong with 26% believing that only men have hymens.


...

By this time limpek was already laughing till accidentally farted few times liao. Luckily no one inside the toilet. Walaoeh, this article donno real or not wan. Got this kind of nonsense?!?

What if Cheesie was Filipino? Walaoeh her Cheeserland blog entry will be like this!!!





But even so, limpek still love cheesie.

Then somemore what Man got hymen! Where?? In the gugu or the kar ch'ng?? If like that the moment I pangsai, limpek mah lose virginity liao!? OHHH NOOO! Maybe thats why pangsai got blood sometimes?? Cause kah ch'ng hymen torn?

But limpek think the kah ch'ng hymen must be one way street wan. Shit can go out, 'things' cannot go in. Thats why kah ch'ng hymen will be intact. You say cannot? Nabeh, you engineer meh? Who say cannot... limpek design for you.



See, that way kah ch'ng hymen makes total sense. If shit wanna come, the passage directs it to soon-soon flow out. But if you simply insert things from outside, then the system will fail!!! Causing hymen to breakdown!

There you go, kah ch'ng hymen.


So the article goes on with Malaysia and then Singapore. But its not so interesting anymore. Basically hinting how gong cipet some people can be.

Malaysia: Malaysian women scored the lowest on pregnancy and virginity issues - 84% failed to aswer the pregnancy questions correctly. Myths also featured strongly with 87% being undable to tell truth from myth.

Singapore:
The women generally had higher than average scores overall (kanasai..) but displayed poor knowledge on virginity and feminine biology. All of them knew how sexually transmitted diseases were contracted but 42% believe that they can't get pregnant during menses.


Limpek was thinking the Malaysians, 'what lanjiao virginity issues? Got fuck means no virgin, no fuck means virgin la!'. But then again after the stupid American president Bill Clinton, now blowjob or anal sex might not be considered sex anymore... so can consider still virgin. Limpek think ang moh mostly khong kham wan.

But Malaysia is all kong-kong lampah song wan. Blowjobs are not even legal... yet if less than 70% of our gahmen people and politicians dont indulge in it before, limpek will chop off my own nut and eat it. Or let lightning strike one of my nut and fry it. Puah bai hypocrites!!! Now they make the women confused with something as simple as virginity.

Limpek finish pangsai, settle everything, wanted to leave the toilet liao. But leg become cramp already because sit so long. Limpek was about to throw the newspaper aside when suddenly felt like my heart sink. No its not because too much kentucky, cos limpek is still very fit. Then it hit me. The last sentence.




"... but 42% believe that they can't get pregnant during menses"






ISSIT!!??


CAN GET PREGNANT WAN!?!?!?!



limpek is another gong cipet afterall


Thursday, April 22, 2010

How To Trim Your Pubic Hair



Recap last post. So limpek was at velvet. Bumped into Old Friend in the toilet. Old Friend was taking a piss. Got done then proceed to shake his dick to clear the droplets...



Limpek say "Oi! Nabeh! Careful la droplets going to kena my face lehh!"

Old Friend "Wahaha, its okay mah. Its very healthy haven't you heard?"

*Old Friend continue to flick vigorously*

Limpek "Wahlaueh, ah hia, don't masturbate in public la!" At this point limpek feel like turning towards him and just pee on his face already. This kind of disgusting bugger.

Then I hear some chikopek laughing "Tee hee hee" those very nahpet kind of laugh. So I turn to my right (Old Friend is on my left) and saw this fucking chikopek face grinning at us.




kanineh, that kind of face show you while you are peeing, limpek also terkejut. Until the pee also cut-off halfway. This puahbai face guy was also flicking away his dick like very funny liddat.

Then suddenly limpek look down, WAHBENG!!! Mr Puahbaiface's lanjiao is completely botak wan!!! Sibeh geliI! Its like those old old mandarin orange. Alot of wrinkles and no hair wan. Completely hair-free! But his one more gross and nua-nua. Kanineh! Its like Captain Picard from Star Trek like that! Whats his name... Patrick Stewart!

Patrick Steward aka Captain Picard


This ugly nabeh's ugly gugu look like this


Completely botak! Wah limpek faster scoot 2 steps away from this ugly porn star wannabe. Then I look to Old Friend again and realize, nabeh! Old Friend's gugu look like Lenny Kravitz.



at that point limpek think "what the fuck is wrong with guys nowadays". They really dont know how to handle their pubic hair anymore? But cannot blame them also. This kind of things, where got people teach. Maybe this should be taught in school next time. How to style your gugu hair properly. No wonder limpek read THB's blog, always got complain about some horny guy's pubic hair tickling her nose. But limpek will definitely trim nice nice for THB. It is quite true actually. Limpek put diagram to explain you better. Because alot of gong chikos dont understand if they dont see it wan. Maybe can keep this to use as slide for gugu hair-styling class in school next time. But must pay royalty.


Here you have your smelly gugu with no trim.




Here is your very nice girlfriend giving you blowblow. See how you repay her?

See? It doesnt look very fun isnt it? Your ger being so nice but you repay her by digging her nostril with your taugeh, poking her nose also. If sibeh long wan (or your gugu sibeh short) may even poke her eye and cause temporary blindness. Cannot be selfish like that wan. Even worse if you got lice..


maybe this is why THB was so tulan




Luckily limpek's first girlfriend, May, long long time ago very smart and open, teach limpek all this kind of things. Last time she also complain like THB, say limpek's Godzilla Taugeh getting in her nose. Keep wanting to sneeze.

Then somemore sometimes can end up on the tongue, its a very disgusting feeling. It happened to limpek before also. Of course not because limpek was giving blowjob la. But if you are those romantic lover lomeo type like limpek you also sure got give pussyjob wan. Some people call it eat abalone. Weeman like to call it eat maggi. Because he say the slurping sound like eating maggi. This puah bai, limpek donno why got slurping also, he think he eat fresh oyster. Weeman, when your saliva flow everywhere down there to the butt crack, girls find it very uncomfortable wan you know? This is not spaghetti you know? Lick properly! dont be messy!

So to prevent all this from happening, please learn to trim your bush. Shaving everything to make your gugu look like Captain Picard is a no no. You think you will look sexy with botak gugu. But actually sibeh sampat and look like Pinochio nose. It's absolutely nahpet. Unless you really are a porn star.

The trick is to style it just right. Limpek share with you a trick limpek observe from the barber. Last time limpek go barber always tell him, "dey machaa, hair very thick la! I dowan grow afro. Please trim! Make it thin!". Because limpek hair is the thick thick kind. Always look like going to explode. So the barber will always use this style...



step 1: twist your taugeh in swirls/loops around your index finger using your thumb to help hold it down. Clockwise or anti also okay wan. But of course dont be stupid clockwise liao then anticlockwise la.



step 2: hold tight the twisted loops with your index finger and thumb and give few last twists for the tip of taugehs.



step 3: Use a sharp razor to shave it upwards towards the tip, lightly with minimal pressure and pleasure. Meaning scrape the sides only, let some cut and some dont. While you shave upwards lightly, continue twisting with the thumb and index finger and pull upwards to straighten/tighten taugeh. Blade of course must be sharp. Limpek use Gillette. Although not very sharp but so far Gillette no Jialat.



TADAAA!!! This is the result you will get. Some long some short. Overall thinner bush and visibly more smart. Then keep doing the same thing all over the entire bush and you will get alot of mini mountains like this.

My barber machaa say, this is call layering! Limpek donno whether he just sin ka lan me or not.



If you style it properly, this is the look you can achieve --->

style inspired by Hong Kong Bengs


Another reason why trimming will be good for you (especially you with the short gugu, yes you, the one reading this now) is, it will lengthen your gugu to approximately 50% of limpek's Godzilla.Unfortunately it wont add any extra real size, but VISUALLY, it will make it look longer. Dont believe limpek you ownself see.



Two gugus of the exact same length. But why right side look longer? My teacher Mr. Robertson last time say its called Optical Illusion. So now limpek teach you how to do Optical Elongation.

Here is a chart of all the areas that is supposed to be hair-free. The red ones are what you should shave off. The black one is where you trim. No this is not a picture of spaceship.


There, the hairstyling lessons end for today. Limpek will leave you all with some trimming styles for you to explore. Use wax / hair gel accordingly.



Hip, inspired by David Beckham


Classy, inspired by Leonardo Dicaprio


If you prefer classic, this one inspired by Chow Yun Fatt


This one too long, impractical. But just for reference. If you can guess inspired by who, limpek will giv you plesen



Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Velvet Toilet, Bathroom Manners and DONT SHAKE DICK!



Limpek was at Velvet the other day, and then run into an old friend. Of all the places, we bumped into each other in the toilet. You know la, velvet toilet so damn cramped, until have to line up outside the cubicle just to wait for urinals to clear. The Zouk clubbers also damn cibai wan sometimes. You see, the toilet is set up like that ...

As you can see, at any given time, 5 person can use the toilet. 2 can pangsai in the cubicles and 3 can piss on the urinals. Personally limpek think those cibais who go pangsai in club cubicles should be made to swallow their own shit. Along with the fucker who design the toilet.

Already you are talking about hundreds of guests in the club and 1 tiny lanjiao toilet, yet you must go pangsai in the cubicle. Want to pangsai cannot just go home or somewhere else issit? Want to pangsai also must come out clubbing ar? Helo! Ah hia! Just because you lift one butt cheek to silent your fart, you think all the people outside waiting cannot smell your shit is it?


Then even worse is the urinal. You see the diagram ming ming got space for 3 person to pee right? But it never fucking happens. The right side guy pee aiming the right corner while the left side guy pee aiming left corner. Then the cibai clubbers (especially the young college type) will NEVER go to the middle wan. Its like they thinking "aiyoo paisehhh people see my gugu lehhh, later they laugh *giggle giggle shyy shyyy lehhh".

KNNB CCB!!! Helo! Already you can see outside got space for 4 person to wait only. The rest have to wait OUTSIDE the toilet. You cannot see the line meh? You cannot smell the shit coming from the cubicle making our face green meh? Just because you feel insecure about your small gugu and we dowan to be cibai to cut your line! You think because your bimbo girlfriend laugh at your small gugu we all going to give a shit?!?

And then you have the cibais standing on the red cross on the diagram. Helo! You stand there everytime the door open kena your head, very syok is it? Make way la kanineh!

Then comes the ultimate super cibai fuckers. Remember the old saying (i forgot from where d), that 'no matter how much you shake it, a drop or two of urine will still leak into your underwear'? These ultimate super cibai fuckers dont believe in that wan. After peeing they will do this:





or this

VIGOROUSLY FOR LIKE 10 FUCKING SECONDS!!!

wahhh chaooo ciiii baiiiii your fucking piss is spilling all over!! Kena my cibai arm already la you blardy gong cibai!!! Kanine you actually trying to shake off the leftover or are you actually trying to make sperm come out!?! Its supposed to be three shakes only!! puah bai!! Study so much but dont know how to shake cock!

Limpek teach you all puah bais la. Use one hand. Make 'V' victory sign with first finger and middle finger. Lift your thumb away so wont kena droplets. Hold your hotdog in between the V like a giant cigarrette. Then smoke it. No dont smoke it, dont be gong cibai. Apply slight pressure on two fingers and flick it firmly DOWNWARDS at an angle towards the urinal. 3 FLICKS ONLY! Any more you are masturbating in public liao!!

Eh hiao beh hiao??! If next time limpek see you masturbating on the urinal again limpek will give a hard kick on your arse to let you fuck the urinal wall.


Ok then back to the topic about bumping into Old Friend beside me in the toilet. Of course limpek was using MIDDLE URINAL LANE because limpek is not a kiasi cibai to make others wait. And limpek got godzilla nothing to be shy of. See mah see la, si hamsap kia. So Old Friend saw me and we started talking lah. Guys are very flexible wan. Pee that time can talk cock sing song also. Not like girls so troublesome shy this shy that. Old Friend finish peeing before me. And he was doing the Flicking No:1 thing like the diagram. Limpek pee syok syok suddenly notice people shaking beside me of course turned to look la.

Eh shit, talk so long liao. Tomoro only continue la.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Iron Man 2 Malaysia Release, War Machine and James Bond evolution

Malaysia Release: 30 APRIL 2010



Iron Man 2 sioottttt... I mean, what more can you ask for? Ahh but of course just like orgasms we cannot help but want more more more!!! so they give you

Whiplash!

























Scarlett "tetek" johansson as Black Widow . Olivia munn as Iron Maiden (?) limpek donno hamilan is that. Iron maiden is not a metal band meh?


And the most stim cum on face wan of course is --->

WAR MACHINE!!! WAHHHH SIOOKKKK!!!!

Although as expected, the Malaysian language will probably just butcher the translation into something like "MESIN PERANG". Walaoeh. Or "Jentera Perang"? It'll be something like,

Kini membuka di semua pawagam..... ORANG BESI 2 !!! Juga mempamerkan watak Jentera Perang, Janda Hitam, Pompuan Besi dan.... wah kanineh whiplash is what ar? Si Momentum Yang Menolak Balik Sesuatu Tenaga Yang Dihalakan Sesuatu Arah?

Sori la, quite obvious limpek Bahasa is fail along with Fizik.

But Don Cheaddle as Jentera Perang... abit fail lor dont you think? I mean, look at him:

I mean, he's like Mr Hotel Rwanda lor. How to expect him to kick ass?


nahbeh, abit beh tahan lor. War Machine is like, stim stim shiny shiny somemore got tua tua ki gun on the shoulder (as if want to compensate on the metal emptiness down there in the metal speedos). But the tua tua ki gun on the shoulder is sibeh steady. Carry around one tua tua ki shiny shiny dick gun, limpek think sibeh got psychological sex appeal lor. Holywood also know. Thats why you see James Bond gun... last time like this


start with soi soi ki, skinny skinny wan



then the shaft thickens abit, overall more filling



whoa then tua tua ki t'ng t'ng already, somemore got head extension




=_=''' .... "limpek soot ka ee hao ar!!"


So you see, tua tua ki really make a difference wan. People want to see tua tua ki. Guys want to see what objects can secretly compensate for their natural small guns. Girls want to see because see liao actually feel quite song, panties abit moist. Dr Freud the hamsap doctor got explain before this is call "Penis Envy". He say the girls actually also longing for a penis. The more tua ki penis the more 'sha qi' (killing aura). Thats why gun can represent penis. They also want to hold it and have it and feel powderful. Why? Limpek also donno. Siao? Limpek donno also you better ask Dr. Freud.

So based on the trend of dick gun getting more tua ki, limpek think couple years from now James Bond will be like this.... with Robert Pattinson lipstick boy because he's young and alot girls wet their panties when they see him --->



tua ki enough for you?


oh by the way if you're hot chio bu and bored and want to watch Ironman 2 with lonely limpek, please let me know. I will be very polite and good and buy you ticket and popcorns and drinks and promise wont touch your nehneh halfway.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Datuk Hee Yit Foong Jelapang Frog and what Social Butterfly really is



Sheeyiit Foong awarded a Datuk?!? KNNCCB wat the flying fuck! Limpek thought Datukship can only award to people wan?
How come frogs also can get awarded? Thanks to this corrupted jumping frog who switched from Pakatan to Barisan's brothel, the whole Perak state is lost back to BN last year.

Limpek really beh tahan this ugly frog. last time Jelapang people all see she is a female and handicapped and chinese so they kesian her and voted for her. Mana tau this nabeh everyday only busy fighting to request her Toyota Camry. Then see Pakatan cannot cari makan liao quickly switch! Puah bai!

Raja Petra revealed last time this blardy frog took RM20 million from gahmen through Berjaya's big pai kia Vincent Tan to jump ship to Barisan. Today somemore get Datukship. What is this shit? Aftersales bonus ar? Like, "tankyucomeagain" gesture?

Ninabeh the 20 million you think from who leh? From us stupid taxpayers la. Limpek have to save everyday, buy pirate dvd instead of go movie until girls also tulan... gahmen song song take our money to buy a frog! Puah bai!

Auntie Shit Foong, your Jelapang people vote for you because they really believe you and think you can speak for them. Because they got no voice. When gahmen fuck their backside, rob their money and then pee on their plantation, they thought they can rely on you to speak for them. Because they got no voice. When they see you as a woman and handicapped to top it off, they think you are more reliable and trustworthy because you understand life's struggle. Because they have no voice! You where can like that fuck them over? Somemore get Datukship to guai lan!

People Lee Chong Wei awarded Datuk because whack badminton kau kau lat. Or Nicol David squash kau kau lat. Or Michelle Yeoh acting kau kau lat. Or Jimmy Choo design kau kau lat. Or Siti Nurhaliza sing kau kau lat. Puah bai you do what kau kau lat? Kiap your buttock together kau kau lat when service the gahmen men issit?


Nabeh dowan say liao la. Say more high blood pressure. Say what also no use. Now Datuk Hee can go heeee heeee heeee anyway.

So limpek was asked on earlier post what butterfly is. Wahseh, nowadays got this type of innocent guys also. Very good la, Goldfish Uncle also see the beauty of innocence sometimes. Sometimes only la. Like when limpek take off pants, girls go EEKK!! Jiang Ta Ge!! Bu Yao!!! That kind of innocence is very steady.

Basically butterfly is a system designed by these creative sharks of sleazy KTV. You think only big big company got fancy fancy marketing lirector? Only Coca Cola know how to increase bottle size bigger and bigger make you buy more? No!! Sleazy KTV got sleazy lirector also!!

Long long time ago 1 creative-shark sleazy lirector say, why not we make our chio bus more active. One hot chio bu should be able to service alot of people mah! Each room they let chikopeks touch touch play play for 15 mins, then proceed to next room. Then eventually rotate back to same room. In the end, 1 chio bu can service up to 10 rooms! If some chao ahpek very rich and lansi want to book, no problem. We charge them RM300. Then save the trouble of going here and there and let many smelly uncle hands touch. But if no booking, go butterfly style RM70 only! That way if service 10 rooms for a night can get rm700 liao!! WIN-WIN!!!

You see? sleazy lirector is no joke wan... take their work very seriously. That is how the 'butterfly' system came to birth lor. One sleazy lirector one day camping pangsai on the bushes nothing to do, so mah observe nature. Then he see see got alot butterfly, like to hinggap on this flower, suck suck the essense, then hinggap on next flower, suck suck the essense again and so on and so forth. So sleazy lirector also become very enlighten. So sleazy lirector want their chio bus become like butterfly also, suck suck your money here, then hinggap next room, suck suck your friend's money there. But the downside is many chao apek will twist your nipples until out of shape the next morning.
Nowadays it has become the standard system worldwide on ktvs and even GRO pubs.

Funny thing is alot of gong char bohs nowadays like to simply coin the term. Especially the younger gen clubber gong char bohs. Simply simply call themselves social butterfly. Wahseh lucky limpek didnt straight away reach out and perah susu and twist her nipples when limpek hear that. Hahaha. Siao charboh, butterfly means when its their turn (when you reach their table) all the chao uncles will give u money and tekan your nehneh ok? dont simply simply say.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Daniel Wu and Hollywood

Short post today, limpek going for a short vacation.

My friend keep insisting that the burka army lady in the pic i posted before look like Daniel Wu. Got meh?

vs

got mehh???



Siao la. Where got same. Sibeh khong kham. I think he is just jealous because people more hemsem. He only qualified to be Daniel's Shoe. But limpek must agree he look suitable for that pic also. Got alot of Sha Qi (killing aura)!!!

Maybe can consider do a movie? Like how the angmoh now like to make terrorist movie donno what hurt locker, the green zone, black cock down and those nonsense. You know those angmoh la, everything also must hero. Other race slowly take turn to be their bad guys. Sibeh nah lan. The black people all rapper, gangster, stay as sidekick make stupid jokes. The chinese all pai kia, kung fu, sibeh ah beng type. The italians, all mafia, tok love here tok love there, hair oily oily. The japanese, all sibeh hi tech, sibeh hamsap and gugujiao very small. The arabs all look very smelly, wan to bomb themselves. Puah bai hollywood. Eat shit la.

You see how hero they are? if an angmoh want to become samurai, he can learn in few days and become top samurai and kill all the japanese samurai and fuck your japanese wife. If an angmoh want to become top blue 8 foot alien creature, he can come learn swing your trees ride your dragon and become top blue 8 foot alien. And then fuck your blue alien tribe princess. If angmoh wan to become super sakai, he can learn make fire and dance cha cha with the wolf and become top sakai.

So dont play play. Hollywood say: No matter what you do, if the angmoh want, the angmoh can do better. Limpek say: Hollywood, suck my lampah. I am sure you can do that better.

Jenna Jameson really can though.

But too bad alot of asians really believe that. The white man's burden thing where the angmohs are responsible to educate and make us more civilized and become ultimate beings like them. Thats why alot of sarong party girls out there love the angmohs to party in their sarongs.

But make no mistake!!! Godzilla is made in Japan!! GOJIRA they call it!!! And now, it resides in MALAYSIA! and in the full custody of Goldfish Uncle.

Back to the movie... maybe Daniel Wu should really consider. He already got the tulan look liao. He can play emo emo and look very hurt. Like they canto people always say... "NGO HOU HURT GA... NEI ZHI MA? zhan hai hou HURRTT gaaa". It's cool yaw. Can bring a change to Hong Kong movie industry no?


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Papaya Farm, Multitasking and Tissue


So the following nite they are very hamsap already. Early early Tobby message come liao.

"Tmr wan go papayafarm. Red Ruby in Menara MBA. Who ons?"

Of course limpek change the real name abit la. Later Wanita MCA come protest again. Nabeh that bunch of menopause auntie. Just because their husbands see their backside can touch the thigh already, nehneh can fling over shoulder, then dowan to fuck them... then the aunties wan to come and shut down every hamsap entertainment for us decent young men. Siao wan.

Want to control husband is not liddat wan mah auntie... open mouth only POK PEK POK PEK kaauupeehhh kauuubuuuu... walaoeh who still got mood for sex!? Got time go keep fit abit, jogging abit, aerobic abit... then learn belly dancing and pole dancing. Then when u shake shake for your husband looking like sexy hot bitch... then song song rape kau your husband, boh song dont let them touch... see they want you more boh? Sure work wan. If you want more tips, e-mail goldfish uncle.

Oh back to story, so of course limpek say ons la. Limpek like very free and lonely, always nothing to do. Life is very weird wan, limpek so hemsem and cool, why life still so lonely? Nevermind... like the angmoh always say.. "ITSS COOOLLL YAWWW". Somemore limpek want to go because limpek like to hang out with friends. Also because limpek is quite hamsap.

So limpek SMS back "ITSS COOOLL YAWWW". I also feel more cool liao.

Nabeh mana tau end up only limpek, Tobby, Weeman and Tobby's friend Ah Chai and Sydney (what kind of lampah name is that). Surprisingly Tiong Beng, Dumbo and Cliffard didnt come. Since papaya farm is like their sole purpose in life. My brother Cliffard somemore sound like having period like that moody, must be kena taruk from wife because always go drink until come back smell like bangkali.

So we explore Red Ruby ourselves lor. The place so-so only. Typical of Malaysian B-grade papaya farm. Room half smaller than La Vega or Champain (aiya kanineh if you papaya-lover you also know where I'm talking about no need explain). Karaoke system is kanasai. But still got some new songs and better than those C-grade farm like Wild Tiger. But sing sing halfway the mic bottom can fall off wan ninnabu! Spoil limpek's sexy Leehom voice only. The beer is RM80 per jug!!! Kan lin lau hia!!! Pee out by God of Fortune wan ar?

The girls are so-so la. Mai hiam beh pai la. The reason is, here is all local girls... Malay, Chinese, Sabahan... all Malaysian. I also feel sibeh 1MALAYSIA. Although no indian girl. Don't ask me why. If I say anything you sure say limpek racist.

So here there wont be any xiao long nus lor. The boss want to protect local business, very patriotic hor don't you think so? Too bad la cause Goldfish Uncle always prefer xiao long nus. But of course the locals are always more siao char boh can play more extreme wan.

I picked a chinese girl, Doreen, so-so only. Can talk can sing can drink but cannot play. Want to tekan her nehneh also must penetrate Buddha 1000 hands defense system. I felt like limpek play Starcraft like that, "primary defense system, engaged!!". "Command center under attack!!". Puah bai.

After a while limpek just think, "kaninah so mahfan just to tekan nehneh. If have to waste so much energy and attention, I might as well go find a girlfriend?". Then limpek also lazy tekan already. So next time if you go, you want to tekan nehneh, dont find Doreen. But if you want harmless good fun and company, find Doreen. Or bring your girlfriend.

Tobby and Weeman's "nasi lemak" girls lagi jialat. Come in for 15mins, like sibeh kaulat liddat. Rub gugujiao, lick their nipples, finger finger and all the sleazy goodness. Then they left for butterfly (because we are very cheap and poor, dowan to book). Then whole night never come back! Wahlaoeh!! Then how? Tobby play with Weeman's gugu and Weeman finger Tobby's kah ch'ng? Hahahaha. "IT'S COOOOL YAWWW"

But the most kaulat is Tobby's friend Ah Chai. He already pre-book this chinese girl, KK, because this chicken worm is kiasu like Tobby also. He always go there and spot this girl before already. Because last time Weeman book her before, she somemore let Weeman finger finger her and wanted to kiss Weeman. But Weeman that time can smell she just puke so got abit of char kuey teow and kangkung belacan aroma. Weeman faster faster siam la. Then that time Ah Chai asked Weeman if he can kacau KK. Weeman said okay lor cause he also beh tahan the kueyteow kangkung smell, but next thing he know, Ah Chai was French kissing this KK. Hahaha this guy really khong kham wan. Go play roll the char kuey teow + kangkung belacan back and forth between their mouths.




Sibeh geli dont you think? People always think French kiss very romantic. Romantic ji koh LAN la limpek say.

But this time is kaulat. While my Doreen is out butterflying, of course limpek take opportunity faster sing song until song song la. Limpek is Leehom voice mah, don't play play. So I syok syok singing, Ah Chai start to touch here touch there with KK already.

Then it was KK turn to sing, so she stand up (but I think she want to siam the chikopek Ah Chai). But while she was standing and singing, Ah Chai go hug her from the back and start to tekan her nehneh. He somemore hug until tight tight, smell the hair, bury the face on the neck, one hand on the nehneh and one hand on the waist, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. HAHAHAH PUAH BAI!!! I think he feel sibeh romantic!! Hahahaha ROMANTIC LANJIAO AH!! Watch too much Titanic ah kaninahhhhh!! Sibeh khong kham! hahaha.




One is a sleazy 30yr old apek just married few years ago and another one is a mabuk prostitute. If this is call romantic, then when I help my first ex to pick up her dog shit last time mah sibeh romantic until super WET? Kanineeeeeeh why she somemore ask me dont touch her must go wash hand first! "ITS NOT COOOOL YAWWWW" i should have said

Then nehmind, after he play love-story stim stim liao then he start to finger finger KK. Then KK slowly move her hand back to touch Ah Chai's small gugu. Then she start playing with the small gugu with one hand behind her back and one hand holding the mic singing!

Wahlaoeh, like that also can multi-tasking! Its like limpek can pangsai, smoke, drink coffee, read comic and listen music at the same time. Really must salute salute.


So limpek tell her "Eh, you go play his gugu and let me sing la dont char siao char pi." So I hijack the mic already and become sexy Leehom voice again. But KNNCCB!! How to perform like rock star when beside me limpek keep hearing Ah Chai moaning OOOOHHHH~~~ AAHHH~~~~ YESSSS~~~ MOMMY DADDY~~~ (ok la, no mommy daddy la, that is very sick liao).

So I try my best to ignore la, kanineh boh huat. Then after he moan here moan there like he is going to melt to the carpet, suddenly I hear:

"EHH SYDNEY! TISSUE TISSUE!! FASTER!! PASS ME TISSUE!!"

Limpek and Sydney also bengang dont know what happened. Then Sydney also very khong kham pass him one tissue. Then Ah Chai:

"EHH MORE MORE MORE!! SHIT, stain everywhere liao!! TISSUE!!"

Wah kaninah then only I realize this siao tar bo already pancut liao.

Can you believe it?

Standing like that? with one hand behind her back, touch touch abit only about 3 minutes?



How is that even possible!? You cook maggie, maggie ngam ngam cooked liao can eat liao he already pancut in that position.

Either this KK got the ultimate Goddess Venus hands... or this sampat Ah Chai will pancut everytime he shake his gugu after he pee.

Can you imagine that? Everytime want to pee... open zip... flip out gugu... ppsssssss.....drip drip....shake shake.... AAHHH~~ OOHH~~ YESS~~ cum liao



then... TISSUE TISSUE!!!!



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