Thursday, April 22, 2010

How To Trim Your Pubic Hair

Recap last post. So limpek was at velvet. Bumped into Old Friend in the toilet. Old Friend was taking a piss. Got done then proceed to shake his dick to clear the droplets...

Limpek say "Oi! Nabeh! Careful la droplets going to kena my face lehh!"

Old Friend "Wahaha, its okay mah. Its very healthy haven't you heard?"

*Old Friend continue to flick vigorously*

Limpek "Wahlaueh, ah hia, don't masturbate in public la!" At this point limpek feel like turning towards him and just pee on his face already. This kind of disgusting bugger.

Then I hear some chikopek laughing "Tee hee hee" those very nahpet kind of laugh. So I turn to my right (Old Friend is on my left) and saw this fucking chikopek face grinning at us.

kanineh, that kind of face show you while you are peeing, limpek also terkejut. Until the pee also cut-off halfway. This puahbai face guy was also flicking away his dick like very funny liddat.

Then suddenly limpek look down, WAHBENG!!! Mr Puahbaiface's lanjiao is completely botak wan!!! Sibeh geliI! Its like those old old mandarin orange. Alot of wrinkles and no hair wan. Completely hair-free! But his one more gross and nua-nua. Kanineh! Its like Captain Picard from Star Trek like that! Whats his name... Patrick Stewart!

Patrick Steward aka Captain Picard

This ugly nabeh's ugly gugu look like this

Completely botak! Wah limpek faster scoot 2 steps away from this ugly porn star wannabe. Then I look to Old Friend again and realize, nabeh! Old Friend's gugu look like Lenny Kravitz.

at that point limpek think "what the fuck is wrong with guys nowadays". They really dont know how to handle their pubic hair anymore? But cannot blame them also. This kind of things, where got people teach. Maybe this should be taught in school next time. How to style your gugu hair properly. No wonder limpek read THB's blog, always got complain about some horny guy's pubic hair tickling her nose. But limpek will definitely trim nice nice for THB. It is quite true actually. Limpek put diagram to explain you better. Because alot of gong chikos dont understand if they dont see it wan. Maybe can keep this to use as slide for gugu hair-styling class in school next time. But must pay royalty.

Here you have your smelly gugu with no trim.

Here is your very nice girlfriend giving you blowblow. See how you repay her?

See? It doesnt look very fun isnt it? Your ger being so nice but you repay her by digging her nostril with your taugeh, poking her nose also. If sibeh long wan (or your gugu sibeh short) may even poke her eye and cause temporary blindness. Cannot be selfish like that wan. Even worse if you got lice..

maybe this is why THB was so tulan

Luckily limpek's first girlfriend, May, long long time ago very smart and open, teach limpek all this kind of things. Last time she also complain like THB, say limpek's Godzilla Taugeh getting in her nose. Keep wanting to sneeze.

Then somemore sometimes can end up on the tongue, its a very disgusting feeling. It happened to limpek before also. Of course not because limpek was giving blowjob la. But if you are those romantic lover lomeo type like limpek you also sure got give pussyjob wan. Some people call it eat abalone. Weeman like to call it eat maggi. Because he say the slurping sound like eating maggi. This puah bai, limpek donno why got slurping also, he think he eat fresh oyster. Weeman, when your saliva flow everywhere down there to the butt crack, girls find it very uncomfortable wan you know? This is not spaghetti you know? Lick properly! dont be messy!

So to prevent all this from happening, please learn to trim your bush. Shaving everything to make your gugu look like Captain Picard is a no no. You think you will look sexy with botak gugu. But actually sibeh sampat and look like Pinochio nose. It's absolutely nahpet. Unless you really are a porn star.

The trick is to style it just right. Limpek share with you a trick limpek observe from the barber. Last time limpek go barber always tell him, "dey machaa, hair very thick la! I dowan grow afro. Please trim! Make it thin!". Because limpek hair is the thick thick kind. Always look like going to explode. So the barber will always use this style...

step 1: twist your taugeh in swirls/loops around your index finger using your thumb to help hold it down. Clockwise or anti also okay wan. But of course dont be stupid clockwise liao then anticlockwise la.

step 2: hold tight the twisted loops with your index finger and thumb and give few last twists for the tip of taugehs.

step 3: Use a sharp razor to shave it upwards towards the tip, lightly with minimal pressure and pleasure. Meaning scrape the sides only, let some cut and some dont. While you shave upwards lightly, continue twisting with the thumb and index finger and pull upwards to straighten/tighten taugeh. Blade of course must be sharp. Limpek use Gillette. Although not very sharp but so far Gillette no Jialat.

TADAAA!!! This is the result you will get. Some long some short. Overall thinner bush and visibly more smart. Then keep doing the same thing all over the entire bush and you will get alot of mini mountains like this.

My barber machaa say, this is call layering! Limpek donno whether he just sin ka lan me or not.

If you style it properly, this is the look you can achieve --->

style inspired by Hong Kong Bengs

Another reason why trimming will be good for you (especially you with the short gugu, yes you, the one reading this now) is, it will lengthen your gugu to approximately 50% of limpek's Godzilla.Unfortunately it wont add any extra real size, but VISUALLY, it will make it look longer. Dont believe limpek you ownself see.

Two gugus of the exact same length. But why right side look longer? My teacher Mr. Robertson last time say its called Optical Illusion. So now limpek teach you how to do Optical Elongation.

Here is a chart of all the areas that is supposed to be hair-free. The red ones are what you should shave off. The black one is where you trim. No this is not a picture of spaceship.

There, the hairstyling lessons end for today. Limpek will leave you all with some trimming styles for you to explore. Use wax / hair gel accordingly.

Hip, inspired by David Beckham

Classy, inspired by Leonardo Dicaprio

If you prefer classic, this one inspired by Chow Yun Fatt

This one too long, impractical. But just for reference. If you can guess inspired by who, limpek will giv you plesen


  1. ...Fainting.... Fainted..thud

  2. wah...730 visitors...really don't pray pray..

    The number started from 700 is it...Hahahaha

  3. Nana dont ever faint near goldfish uncles... you will wake up from CPR but already pregnant.

    Superkuku, i force my abang adik to click and click and click every hour only get 700. Kenny Sia one day already got thousands. Kanasai

  4. I have circumcision knife with me

  5. holy shit... please dont kill Gojira. The Japanese kawaiinehs will cry

  6. I prefer botak one loe.. :X Btw, what is nua nua ?
    The last hair .. issit Paris Hilton's ?

  7. nua nua = sticky sticky ... think rotten cempedak. Thats nua enough. You must've watched star trek too much la, botak very geli... like little boys penis but with alot of old man wrinkles. Nope!! Not Paris... this one is bleach blond wan... not natural

  8. hahaha.. dickheads literally mean dickheads in this entry! eh the bulu with people's hair.. LOLss..
    i know the last one is xx's edy.. read from the latest entry =P

  9. Knn. What has it got to do with me ah? LAst time the ex is fucking bushy la. Kaoz. After kenna pricked will have pimples one. wahahahhahaahah

  10. oldbeng really oldchampion

    ken, bulu can be straightened to be like peoples hair. You should try it out. (after that please let me know how it was)

    THB of coz got to do with u la! U are my horny queen! Limpek will trim heart shape for u. waraoeh... u think poison darts ah? But it should help you clear pores instead. Can use as dental floss also

  11. u r so funny

    i like the lenny kravitz analogy

    from hiaoauntie

  12. Wah!! you are the famous hiao auntie!? Why you stop writing blog liao!? you write very good wan la! Pls restart another blog anonymously (but let me know its you ok? thx)

  13. lol... i prefer aaron kwok hair.


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