Friday, June 25, 2010
A Goldfish Blog Tech Support Director Named Seefatt Chang
By now it should be quite obvious that when it comes to hi-tech or fancy things computers can do, limpek is completely kanasai. Granted, limpek know how to use photoshop because last time always edit friends' pictures to make them naked and fuck animals, and then send the pics to their girlfriends. Besides, limpek had a girlfriend last time always asking to help edit her pics. "Make me pweetty! Make me pweeettyy!" she'd say. Limpek also find that adorable.
After limpek help edit her eyes big big, nose sharp sharp, face oval, lips like sausage, boobs add 2 cup sizes then she will be sibeh happy. Sometimes can even get free blowjobs (the type that wont kena trap to return favors wan). Its a very good deal isnt it? Photoshop = Blowjob. Like the Food = Work scam. So limpek's photoshop can consider mai hiam beh pai.
But when it comes to blogging and all the tools limpek see on other blogs, limpek see liao also tao hin hin. Limpek always feel as though HTML = Hi-Tech mat lan? So limpek just stick with the simple things I know, compose and publish. And try not to accidentally click on other buttons.
Well the reason limpek mention this is because limpek had actually always kept a secret weapon for the blog. Goldfishuncle website actually has special tech-support headed by one Mr. Seefatt Chang (or Chang Backside). Seefatt works for a very tualiap international company as some big time head in tech department. The reason we call him Seefatt Chang is because he's 35 years old and we suspect he's still a virgin. So we then further suspect maybe he's just into playing male backside but too afraid to come out closet. What else can you suspect on a decent looking 35 year old virgin atheist pulling 10k per month?
Besides, his name really sounds like backside.
Seefatt Chang is the bestest geek among all limpek's friends. So when it comes to hi-tech or computer stuff, limpek really cant think of anyone else. In fact, if not for Seefatt Chang limpek would never have this blog going. Everything computer related also limpek ask him,
"Seeefattttt!! blue screen leh wtf!!!"
"Seefatt Chang!! why my computer keep auto-shutdown?!"
"Seeeefaatttt! why cannot open Gutter uncensored site!?!"
"Seefattlou, how to download pirate photoshop!!?"
"Seeefatt Chang, why all my files disappear?!"
and all these he will sort out for limpek and try to explain to limpek although very much in vain. Then theres the times he helped out with the blog...
"Seefattlou, limpek want to start blog la... how ar?"
"Go to blogspot.com... set up account first, read the tutorial and follow, very obvious wan..."
*Click dooo.... (Seefattt has the phone hanging up skills too)
"Seefatttttt, how come limpek blog entry save liao nothing come out?! Cannot be, limpek's skill sure anything can come out!! Must whack harder?"
"Gimme your username, password..."
"Ehhh...later you go in my email and send my sextape to gutter uncensored how?"
"Change password now la"
after 3 mins
"You stupid cibai, why you type in 'HTML'?"
"Tee e-mail? why would I type letter to Tee e-mail?"
"H-T-M-L! Nvm... you see the button next to title, there's 'Edit HTML' and another 'Compose'?"
"Ohh ok ok i see..."
"You type your entry in Compose la! Not HTML! HTML is for code! To write scripts! The 'compose' is an efficient program to let you write in simple forms and it will automatically translate it into html code. At the end, you need to publish, not just save the post! In other words, you publish your HTML code!"
"nvm, just type in 'compose' and then publish"
"Seefattchangggg, eh limpek want to have a sub-page at the side ar, to do movie reviews wan. How ar?"
"What the fuck you mean? What side review page?"
"Nehh... like a tab at the side bar right, to lead to another page where limpek does movie reviews"
"You watch alot of movies meh?"
"Ya la kanineh, limpek's pirate DVD collection more than your porn collection man!"
"Impossible. I have 60GB of porn in a dedicated harddrive."
after calling back
"Oi Seefatt! dont like that! How to do the subpage?"
"I dont understand how you want it la. Tell you what, you go look around other blogs if you see something like what you want, send me the link. Then I'll write the script for you"
"Ok chio! I think I saw before in Xiaxue's blog!"
(Turns out XX's blog dont have. Until now still havent find what limpek wanted, thats why the pirate dvd review tab is still so kanasai)
"Seefattguai! Limpek want to run polls in blog... how ar?"
"Walaoeh brother, why you so dinasour? Click on customize, add a tab at the side, there's already pre-set poll programs by blogspot mahhh..."
"No no no, limpek want the poll inside the post entry!"
"Ohh... no problem. Just go to Micropolls.com. Sign up account, create your poll, copy the code, paste on your Edit HTML"
"....Arr? coat? hi tech mat lan again?"
"Sigh. Ok you create account first"
"Now log into Micropolls and create your poll. Then copy the code"
"Okay... done! You said, copy hami coat ar?"
"The poll, after you set it up, can convert it into a script, a code!"
"..... hami ar?"
"Gimme your username password."
"Aimeh? What if later you go find my sextape and post it in gutter uncensored?"
"Sigh. Change your password then."
after that Seefatt created the poll for limpek, convert it into a code, logged into limpek's blogger account, edit limpek's post, put the code there, and publish it for limpek. Wahpiang! This is what you call Class A Sibeh Steady Pompipi Tech Support even Microsoft cannot offer!
After that Seefatt taught limpek how to post the poll step by step, so limpek now like poll expert, sibeh hua hee. Feels like the first caveman who discovered fire, want to shout in glory "FIRE!! FIRE!! HOO HAA HOO HA!!" and then go burn down all the cavewomen's leaf skirts. So thats why lately you see alot of polls in limpek's entry and limpek intend to keep posting polls until discovering the next fancy tool!
Here's the first chance to use it. Last week after the suey post limpek got alot of feedbacks from friends regarding their own recent suey-siao-ness.
Weeman: My hair-loss problem recently became worse. I have to upgrade to taking this medicine thing that actually messes with my hormones. It drastically reduces my testosterone, so its almost like cutting my balls off. So, for the sake of more hair, I have to sacrifice my libido. Limpeh only 29 fucking years old. But Soi Lek twice my age also twice more hamsap than me. Later when I get more hair, finally get a girlfriend, want to fuck that time suddenly gugujiao cannot stand... HOW!? Ask her to play with my hair whole night?! U tell limpeh la!
Dumbo: Two weeks ago I go Cham'pain' KTV near Imbi with clients. Then order the nasilemak girl. That time very drunk and high already so she ask me go toilet 'kongket'. She wanted to blow me, but that place the nasilemak girls not so clean based on feedback so I dont dare let her suck. Then she somemore keep grabbing my penis until my balls want to explode already. So of course I beh tahan, taruk her kuat-kuat in the toilet la. Wear condom la of course, cleanliness always first mah. Wah she is like an animal like that so wild, so limpek also become animal lagi wild. Finally after I shoot one Olympic load, I pull out and what I see?
What? Don't get it?
Okay fine since your thinking so 'kan dan limpek will borrow children's cartoon to explain in very kan dan way.
I straightaway cannot stand properly. Feel like want to faint. Go home I scrub my penis with Listerine, wahlao! sibeh pain brother, you know!? Next day straight away go hospital medical checkup. Wah knnccb if limpek kena infect anything....si liao si liao... i really can go die liao. Then the doctor told me after 3 months only can confirm got HIV anot. Wahlaoehh Lao Tien ar!!! This lately the wife keep on wanting to fuck, limpek suddenly insist use condom. I think she also start to get suspicious! Until limpek have to give excuse say the condom makes me less sensitive so can last longer. Wah cibai end up everytime have to tahan 10 mins longer! LAO TIEN ARRR!!!!
Cliffard: In World Cup so far, limpeh lost RM100k already. Yesterday, wife ask me, dear, when are you buying my car? wait very long already. I almost want to cry and tell her, dear, the bookie take all our money already.
The entry is dedicated to limpek's great tech-support Mr. Seefatt Chang for being the best geek ever! Regardless if you're into gayporn! May you finally get laid this year and receive an ang pow for opening ceremony. You can leave your email contact on the comments, who knows maybe some passerby loves popping geeky cherry. Or else you can take limpek's offer and pop it with awesome xiaolongnu!