As usual limpek make my nice cup of dilluted instant oldtown kopi, sit down, log in blog to reply comments and then visit gutteruncensored like a regular lazy day after work.
Quality time with kopi and ciggie... Really, little awesome moments like these sums up limpek's life.
Sekali limpek open the blog....
What the flying fuck!!
Got 100 over hits on Monday!!
Limpek thought 'siao liao, kena spam liao, hongkan liao', somemore thought maybe Chua Soi Lek found what limpek wrote about him and bomb kau my blog!
You see, although limpek so handsome like Brad Pitt but nobody read my blog wan except for the few extraordinary talented intelligent natural born killer rockstar superb readers (poh lampah kau kau). Which means usually 4-5 readers only. Nabey that's better than limpek sit in the kopitiam talk to myself. So suddenly 100 something is sibeh wrong liao.
So limpek check statcounter, see if limpek siao liao or computer siao liao. See punya see, all came from this website http://sgblogawards.omy.sg/category/
Then only limpek remember! Its the Singapore Blog Awards thing!!! Last time many friends tell limpek, if no win award, where got people want to read? Got like that wan meh? Meaning if movies no win award then we shouldn't watch? If penis cannot reach 4 inch then we shouldn't fuck? How can life become like this.
But makes sense also because when choose xiaolongnu in hamsap ktv, if got win pageant before,
Look see look see all the other bloggers so serious and professional wan, limpek's blog pulak like write on kindergarden whiteboard, somemore camera to take pics also dont have until hot ger dblchin also laugh at limpek. End up have to use windows paint to draw picture. Wah seh!!! Si beh lau kui this blog!!!
But nevermind la, limpek talk to you in kopitiam, of course it wont feel like Starbucks la. Hua hee dio ho mah.
Then limpek realize got one e-mail from one Mr. Alvin Lim from Marketing of Singapore Press Holdings wan. Sound like a very important man from a serious big company. So limpek also abit nervous. Actually the e-mail few days already, but because it got mixed with all the porno website mails limpek completely missed it. Alvin, sorry ha havent reply but its not because limpek guai lan. If your title reads "Goldfish uncle, steady liao, your blog kena nominate, oon oon eat bee hoon liao!" then limpek wouldnt have miss it. Instead your title so formal limpek automatically didnt read. Hahaha. Plus all the junkmail never delete, limpek really shouldnt give out e-mail to porno websites so much.
So bearer-of-great-news Alvin Lim say limpek is nominated! Limpek dont really understand but sounds like a good thing! Somemore he say if win liao can get to go Hong Kong wan! Wahpiang! Hong Kong somemore can take dragonboat! Limpek think ask them to drop me off the boat at Shenzhen... then.... xiao long nus... Limpek is coming homeee~~!!! (think liao also teary-eyed). Limpek suddenly really want to win.
Then limpek started thinking, how is that possible leh? How can limpek get nominated when new readers also dont have. Limpek check the hit statistics, still only limpek's beloved 4-5 readers. No one new. But to be honest limpek love the 4-5 readers because they keep refreshing the page until the counter so high, can pretend as if got alot of people read. Hahaha kamsia kamsia, you puahbais are the best.
Then of course occasionally got the random accidental visit from some people googling to buy Goldfish. Sorry ha, Goldfish Uncle dont sell goldfish, only bring u to see them. And then also got accidental visits from some very sampat people googling for 'Daniel Wu Cock'.
Now seriously, what the fuck? Since when limpek know anything about Daniel Wu's Cock?
Then there's those googling for "Hymen Pics Blogspot".
Limpek also dont know what to say. (Tobby, I know its you... please get off the internet)
So these sums up the total visitors in Goldfishuncle blog. So how can there be any votes for limpek at all?
Then limpek recalled something Goodnews Alvin said. On the judging points, 30% comes from public voters and 70% comes from the panel of judges. Since they probably force the judges to read the participants blogs (if not how to judge) and limpek doesnt have readers, then theres only one conclusion!
Limpek’s points must have come from the judges!!!
WAHAHAHA suddenly limpek also feel very happy. Ever since small kid, all the competition/contest/lucky draw judges only know how to fuck limpek. Just because limpek is abit more handsome and got big Gojira then they want to fail limpek in everything!
Drawing contest don’t want to let limpek win, say my lion look like flower and my flower look like nipple. Singing contest say limpek never brush teeth so must forfeit. Colouring contest say limpek colour people all black colour, not nice… kaninehhhh puahbai racist!
So for the first time in limpek's life, got judges actually root for limpek. Limpek also feel kam-tong until want to cry. Finally didnt kena fuck. But maybe because the judges dont really believe limpek actually very handsome and got big Gojira? In that case limpek better not let them know.
But then limpek see, aiya cehh, actually havent win anything also. Somemore got 9 more blogs! Somemore top 3 already chosen. Puahhbaaiii!! Somemore limpek see the 9 blogs, wahlaoeh! all corour here corour there, line here line there, fly here fly there, kahnineh! Like IKEA catalog! So professional!!! Limpek go visit also feel like Suzuki 2nd hand kapcai dealer visiting Ferrari showroom!
Somemore all blog so many years liao, always consistent posting. All got dont know what advertisement here and there, follower here and there. Limpek only got 1 hot ger subscriber! But dblchin is like Zhao Zelong can beat 1000 of their followers. Somemore they so semangat, rally here rally there. Promote here promote there. Limpek try to vote for myself also give up already because have to create account and then forget password. Somemore limpek dont really like self-promotion. Feels like those puahbai BN politicians always only know how to bruff others say until like ownself very superior.
Then got so many fancy characters with fancy blogs... transgender also got, angmoh local also got, ladyboy also got, cartoon cat also got, funny fatboy also got... where can win anymore. Maybe if limpek start fucking animals and then claim to blog as the Diary of Bestiality can be fancy enough?
Actually if limpek is the judge limpek will vote for Kelvin's kacang blog. Simple, not pretentious, doesnt feel like trying too hard for attention, honest, and always entertaining. Kacang Kelvin shouldve joined... sure can win. But Kelvin's last post talk about snuffnang so limpek hope he wont sell-out.
But limpek still want to get free trip to find my Xiao Long Nus in shenzen. So limpek wanted to put up a fight. Limpek's plan is very simple. Since limpek's vote probably is from judges, limpek will go tackle the judges. So limpek do research on the website and found the judges info. Limpek think the judges all very famous or rich or influential people wan. Limpek is only a chao uncle so how will limpek know these famous people? If you ask limpek who to call for Korean nehneh in Damansara hamsap ktv then limpek will know la. So limpek have to shoot blindly going by the photos only.
Got 9 judges total. At first look, limpek also abit scared liao feel like last time headmaster do spot-check on class and limpek hide porno vcd inside underwear. Limpek dont know why they look so professional and serious... or just constipation.
Mr Kelvin Tong is the first one. Straightaway limpek lose half the confidence because Mr Tong look like can eat people. You see his portrait also dont want to smile. Meaning 'fuck you not free dont come kacau me'. His face also very angry, keep reminding limpek of spartan.
Limpek really dont know how to handle this one.
Ms Kuo Jian Hong look like those very artistic intelligent type... often dont want to say much but then inside head think too much. This kind of eccentric artiste, if limpek say anything also will sound stupid to her. So limpek will just keep quiet. And stoning there stare at wall. Then maybe she will think limpek is intelligent also?
Ms Anna Lim. WHOAH!! HOT GER JUDGE!!! No need say much. Got vote no vote also limpek want to marrry her. You got see the smile... eyes can become crescent shape wan? KAWAIINEHHH
Ms. Xiao Han, another hot ger! She is famous lyricist so limpek will compose a One Night In Shenzhen song with the background music of Mamula Moon and mumbling style of Jay Chou to impress her. Then can get her vote.
Mr. Uzyn Chua. This one from the looks, gerenti cheongster! His name already Uzi the sub-machinegun. Limpek go cheong with him, tekan nehneh kacau ahmoi, sure steady wan Uzi. Limpek's type of hamsap kaki.
Samuel Ng and Walter Lim. These two are my favorites. They look like my favorite kind of cheongsters. Good old fashion chikopek. From the ngan san (eye aura) limpek already can feel the cheong spirit. You see Walter's expression... doesnt it say "Jom kia liao! Now now now! Neh neh waiting!". No? This is two happening cheongster wan trust limpek.
Danny Yeo and Josh Lim. These two limpek dowan to go cheong with. You see they game-face until so kaulat, dress up so killer, if go cheong with them means end of night limpek go home masturbate alone. See the pattern also you know they will tapao all the ahmois already... very tulan these people wan.
So how? you think limpek got chance with the judges? Kanineh got time go vote for limpek and send limpek to Hong Kong lah. Limpek can feel the xiaolongnus waiting for me leh. Dont everyday only know how to surf Gutter Uncensored. Really puahbai