Thursday, August 5, 2010

Exactly How Much Is Too Much?

At what point does it stop being just PR servicing and become instead, mere whoring out of oneself?

Whoaa kanineh limpek trying to sound very chim chim liddat. Nevertheless, limpek had the chance to question that last week during an outing with some very important clients.

"You need to bring these clients out and make sure they have lots of fun. WE need them on OUR side. I'll cover the fund and you just take care of entertaining them"

That was boss's exact instructions. Notice how great of a salesman he is? picking words that amsu-amsu limpek as if suddenly his project problems are now mine as well. All the 'We' and 'Ours' instead of 'I' and 'My'. Last time when limpek's own project got problem, he left limpek to eat grass myself. Knnccb this kind of bitchman.

But then again, it sounded like a good deal doesnt it? Afterall, limpek knew these hamsap clients are papaya farm addicts and what can be better than letting boss pay for everything?

This was in regards to a project limpek is involved in at K.L. It's the construction of a really exclusive condominium tower which ironically has been mostly bought up or rented by foreigners; expats and investors. It is quite impossible to expect the locals to afford these multi million ringgit little boxes in the sky. Such is the failure of Malaysia that the prosperity we always try to portray pales in comparison to the majority of us monkeys earning peanuts.

But hey, what do the fattened up pigs in Parliament or GLC developers care as long as their bellies get bigger and bigger. It is just another pre-Mandela South Africa waiting to happen. They want us to think it is our own fault, that we're probably not working hard enough or talented enough. But is it really? Are we really that worthless?

Limpek's company was lucky enough to pao a little portion of the project to be done... BUT, even luckier to go screw it up. Thanks to our ever reliable angmoh manufacturers. It's not really screwing up to the point of no return, rather its just "finished work not up to standard" (the Consultant's exact words).

To put it simply, limpek's company's finished work is really lanjiao standard. Dont know whether to laugh or cry. But for what its worth, it wasn't limpek's project but my boss's.

Basically its like this: Our job done needs to be approved by project manager and client's architect. So this job was quite fucked up but they can still close one eye and tiam tiam only. But these buggers are from a huge public listed construction company and a major developer, so they dont want to just let it go. They can sue us until our lampahci shrink, and then in turn we will have to sue our manufacturer instead. Then it will go one big round like an orgy train and end up with everyone fucked in the backside by someone.

So boss ask limpek to entertain those buggers, then later together-gether we can try to do some 'lets-all-pretend-to-rectify' wayang, so the client wont be peeing hot fire anymore. Then slowly, the client will start to accept it as it is and then everything will be fine and dandy.

One thing limpek really respect this cipet chinaman boss is he always know how to get out of trouble. No matter how fucked up the situation is, he'll figure out a sneaky solution. He is like old fat chinaman version of Michael Scofield, thinking and thinking of how to break out from prison until nose also can bleed. Well, at least riding along in his ship, he didnt require limpek to hold his pocket.

That bunch of clowns clients limpek also met many times before already at the site. Project manager, Loo, site manager, Tan and client's architect, Ang. All also 40+ already. All married with few kids as well.

That puahbai Ang is the type of site architect that cannot control his voice. He is like a broken radio, turn the volume abit and it will suddenly roar until your eardrums explode. His volume explodes for no reason wan. And also, he likes to talk loud loud 2 inches from your face. Whenever he want to talk to limpek, limpek feel like he is trying to french kiss me. Can even feel the gusts of wind from his breath hitting limpek's face, sometimes even got fish porridge smell. Then next day the face sure grow few pimples because of his high protein saliva.

The project manager, Loo, even worse. When he talk to you must sit close close wan. Then sure put his hand on your thigh. Kaninahh! Damn geli! Limpek always use this dirty tactic on xiaolongnus to pok-mong. Slowly rub their thighs make them horny abit become more wet. Mana tau this cipet Loo also do that to limpek! Limpek really become more wet. Wet with sweat!

They always talk as though like really can cheong, but limpek thought "aiya kanineh, bunch of 40+ family cinapeks... how kaulat can they be". Then Tan the site supervisor called limpek to pick them up at 4pm, limpek start to suspect something wrong liao. Wahpiang why so early wan? Tan explained that they got wives waiting at home. If party until midnite, go home will kena taruk by the wives. Then their wives will throw plates and break things. Limpek hear liao also sien, confirm this bunch of old men cannot cheong wan.

Ang lead the way and the longer we drove, the more uneasy limpek felt. Why so damn far wan? Isnt that the Cheras toll already? Kanineh then see see, batu sembilan liao. What the flying fuck is batu sembilan? Then go into some kampung area, surrounded by fucking jungle. "Tan! What the fuck?! Tekan the sakai's neh neh issit??" limpek asked Tan. "Relax brother, good things must remain hidden wan". Kaninah. Limpek feel like 16 year old schoolgirl kena bluff by hamsap boyfriend to take off bra.

Still havent reach! We had to go deeper inside somemore. Finally see got one single row of shophouse. Those old school type of shophouse with small kedai runcit, kapcai service shop and mamak shop wan. Upstairs people hang underwear with holes from one end till another end. Naked kids running around with stick guns and crazy old man talking to himself in the corner. Topping it off are the stray dogs patrolling around the area and staring cock at you. One of them even missing a leg. Limpek keep getting the sensation that the stray dog is yelling at me "KUA HAMI!? KUA LAN JIAO AR KUA!!"

For a while limpek thought maybe slip through a time portal and end up in Cambodia already. Next thing you know the underage farm girls might be walking up to you and say "me love you nong time?" "sucky sucky?" But lucky this is still Malaysia. And limpek is still no pedophile.

In the middle of the row of shophouses, limpek spotted it. Big tasteless flashing neon lights "Kelab Que-PAC" like straight out of Sungei Wang. If Tokyo neon atmosphere is pop-culture, limpek found its bastard sister.

The door downstairs is locked with grills and 2 Indian thugs with walkie-talkies serve as the 1st level bouncers. These are the kinda thugs you dont want to cross eyes with because they look like they want to slice open your belly and pull out your intestines slowly and make you eat it. Their eyes are so red that limpek thought maybe they're auditioning for Twilight.

oh sorry! limpek didnt realize that was Semi-Vellu and by all means did not intend to label him as an Indian Thug. My bad my bad.

Tan spoke to them abit, tip them abit, and they mumbled something into the walkie talkie. A woman came down that is unmistakably the 'Mami'. Mamis are not very difficult to distinguish as they always have this sneaky aura with certain darkness in their eyes. The kind of feeling our 'First Lady' also do carry.

We went up to the first floor where it became even more shady. 6-7 ahbengs with walkie-talkies hung out in a big empty floor with a plastic table and chairs strewn about. Of course to be expected there was a big altar with a BIG Guan Gong idol on it. We had to go another floor up. Apparently this was just stage 2 security.

Third floor was where all the karaoke rooms were. Slap a couple of cockroach eaten sofas, a TV and some crackling speakers, there you have it. Kampung style papaya farm. Inside our room, a friend of Ang was waiting for us. Ronald was his name.

Apparently Ronald is their resident pharmacist because as soon as limpek walked in, Dr Ronald already got his whole cabinet of 'medicine' laid out on the table.

3/4 of it limpek have no idea what the flying fuck it was. But limpek saw what were unmistakably K-powder in sachets... weed joints.... ecstacy pills... and small bottles of what looked like liquid meth.

Limpek can only think, "Kanineh liao this time."

to be continued...

next post coming very soon


  1. wtf, really kanineh liao LOLOL!

  2. uncle, so long nvr update... pls hor, rem to cont har.... cheers!!

  3. hamsap limpek kena hamsap by 40yo uncles...lei dou yao kam yat lor..LOL

  4. Can't stop laughing I read this.
    So you provide ass service now? Your client so hamsap to man one. If he is drunk, can't imagine how hamsap he is to you. People get extremely friendly when drunk.
    So dangerous to accompany such clients, may end up in jail with them.

  5. y all ur client so 1/2 past 6 one? all super ham sup max

  6. looks like a great adventure ahead! ganbatte and finish the story woohoo!

  7. Wei, you say very soon..
    Few days liao lor, faster la!!!!!
    I want the full story

  8. Jz, really kena trap like cipet!

    anon, cheers!!!

    blue, uncle also can kena hamsap wan, wtf la. Really no make sense.

    Nana, jail nvm... if these puahbais spiked limpek until OD or braindead, hongkan liao!

  9. kelv, then boss will whoop limpek's ass all the way back to china

    dbl, alot of these so-called professionals sibeh khongkham wan la. Outside pretend to be very good only.

    Ahsai, ganbatte ganbatte!!

    Blutank, soli soli!! mai tulan! lai liao lai liao!


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