Further Ninja Info and Knock On Door Malaysian Prostitutes

spurred by hot ger DBKL chin because she make me wet my pants feel inspired, I investigate the ninjas further

I fought all their behs...




and then rip off the mask of their Malaysia division commander

he tried to bribe me with sex offers, limpek was tempted by the sotong lips... but the misai tickling limpek's balls, cannot la.

edit: pic taken was edited randomly from online pictures, pic is fake! Please dont throw me in jail. I dont like to kena cucuk backside.

then i found out the leader for the World Ninja Organization...



FUAAAA doesnt the ass just make you want to bury your face there? Tiger is really kaulat. DBKLChin's dream come true liao. No need to investigate further. Case close! (before I really masuk Kamunting).


Ok back on track, 2 days ago got a call from Weeman. So Weeman told me, the night before supposed to loot this girl, Kim her name. Tobby ajak him wan, introduced by this chicken worm Ah Chai. Ah Chai say until she how good how wonderful, as though Kim wrote the book on Kanna Sutra.

So Tobby being the ‘Number One Chicken Worm’, don’t try also cannot wan lor. This Tobby is super jialat disturbingly hamsap wan. In his 30 years of life, he had loot almost a thousand girls liao. And being close to him, limpek can confirm that it is true. But of course almost 95% of the girls are professional chicken la. But still, a thousand girls at 30 years old? Something is just wrong with his head. And he self admitted he pak zui cheng at least 3 times a day. Kaninah this kind of sick hamsap… really cannot save already. Lucky he got money to burn, if not he will go and fuck the pillow kepit together everyday. That time want to sleep also he will feel smelly.

So he ajak Weeman to go loot this Kim, staying at KL Cheras condo. She is those local freelance one, marketing by word of mouth wan. Those you call ahead to book (if want to confirm) or you can go straight and knock on door.

Those type I really dont like lor. Its a real nabeh system. You go there, knock-knock, open door then see her okay, then loot.

But what if knock-knock, open door, liddat -->

Then how? ... Jialat lor how


You cannot just say “Eh erm, ahmoi, I suddenly want to pangsai la. Bye bye!” and leave. Why?

1. That is just a very cibai thing to do to a person (yes, a chicken is still a person. People also got feelings wan).
2. You spoil the reputation for the person who give you contact. Next time nobody wan to intro you liao lor.

So Weeman, being just as chikopek as Tobby, of course said yes la. I assumed one was going to wait for another. Weeman took off from work early, giving some cock excuse to the boss and snuck off. No wonder economy cannot recover but the xiao long nus can still earn RM30k monthly. Kaninah last time employees all ponteng go drink teh. Now ponteng all go drink milk. Malaysians really know how to enjoy.

Mana tau when he called Tobby to meet up and go together

“Eh, cancel la, today cannot la. I forgot that I promised others to play football”

“Har? Football lanjiao ah! Walaoeh ah hia… now you tell me. I didnt pak zui cheng two days already lehh, keep alot ammo for today liao. Factory over production! Going to fire 2 full cannons. Now you wanna give me blue balls?"

"Aiyo boh huat. I promised last week d"

“You really kanineh wan. Then nevermind la you just give me the contact I will go myself”

“Erm… Dowan la. Wait first la”

“Har? Why? Wait what?”

“Next time la… next time we go together..”

“Har? Why la? I can go first mah”

“Nola…”

“???”


“I... I want to loot her first la...”



"HA!?? PUAHHH BAII!!!"

You say got tulan anot? This kind of fucker... find ayam also must kiasu.

I think Weeman should just wait. Then next time Tobby go, he just follow along. Then let him loot first. Halfway while he's having fun poking her, Weeman go behind him and give him surprise ram up his kah ch'ng. Wahahaha. See if he will accidentally ejaculate. Hahaha.

Okay but the next night we did go out to have fun. Post it up tomoro. Sibeh sleepy liao so late. Photoshop and blogging really quite tiring wan. No wonder the cheesie hot ger become so skinny. But donno why kenny sia still so fat. Tomoro la

Malaysian Ninja

--

I KNEW IT!!!!

EAST TIMOR police declare war on mysterious 'ninjas'


NINJAS EXIST!!!

this kind of body is really make people tu lan

Actually Malaysia also got alot of agent!!





they like to go shopping at pavillion or star hill center wan.



they like to shop LV prada, so actually inside they are very fashion. Deadly deception!




sometimes they very hostile, show you tiger ninjitsu stance





but if you show them you got teeth, can scare them. Then they will call beh (backup).

or maybe they update twitter... i donno






You think they look sampat, awkward and obvious?


think again....

because with this,




plus this --->











then u turn off the lights....

who die now?

...

Retire Age Move to 60!

Civil Service Retirement Age Move to 60! (click to see malaysia insider article)

Siao boh!!! During 2008 they move from 56 to 58. Limpek count count… abit boh ngam lor! Limpek now 28 lah, based on this year need 32 more years only can retire (at 60). But ha, if every two years the ccb gahmen wan to propose two years delay, that means going at this rate, by 60 years old (32 years later), will increase 32 years already! That means based on the giraff…. limpek can only retire at... 92 years old!!!


SIAO BOH!!!??

Like that?! --->

This gahmen really puah bai wan!! Already limpek everyday smoke Marlboro smoke until lung black black, want to live until 92 years old already is tok kok sing song liao. Can live until 60 also must curi curi laugh already. Ccb want to work until 92 years old only can get pencen? This is the pencen our puah bai gahmen will give you?

Kaninah easy, no need send poslaju no need maybank2u. Put your name burn in the kitchen can already.

KI SI LA!!! Talk cock!!! Then this article continue somemore to try and justify it:

“ It is understood that Cuepacs favours the change, having once submitted a memorandum to raise the retirement age to 60 as seen in other countries or 62 in the case of Singapore.”

Waraoeh! want to compare with Singapore! We already know Singaporeans all sampat crazy work until ki siao wan mah. All work until jump from HDB wan. Their big boss Lee also become walking corpse already still want to influence wat. We want to follow?

This cipet gahmen always like this smart in comparing wan. When people say they no democratic, gahmen will compare to Myanmar or Burma or those puah bai countries everyday fight and kill by dictators wan. Then say Malaysia sibeh good. Only got cow-head protest. When people say they got no development, gahmen will compare to Sri Lanka, Pakistan or those puah bai countries people pangsai at the roadside wan. Then say Malaysia got F1 circuit, twin tower. Twin lampah la! Ask them compare first-world countries or those country rich with natural resources wan and see? Why cannot compare with the best must always compare with poorer countries?? How come we buy car also must take 7 years to finish pay? By the time the car is really yours, your brand new Honda civic also become classic collector vintage civic no longer in production liao. Or you can buy the milo tin proton. Once accident, can say bye bye liao u also become milo powder. Can burn more Hell money. In other modern countries, where got buy car pay in almost a decade wan ah hia!?

And then the house. Buy 1 lampah house pay in 10-20 years. You buy a puppy the puppy also become old and die already, the house still not yours! Puah bai!

Then suddenly my boss say "you kaupeh what... that is just for the government servants. Dont let them retire mah good la. Already they so lazy and never do anything, retire already langsung no need to work. Dont even have to pretend to be busy while surfing facebook. Who pay? We pay leh. Government servants? ki si lah!"

sweat. My boss knows about the staff's daily facebook slacking.

"then boss, when u think is good to retire?"

"retire for fucks ah? I not going to retire until at least 70 la!"

SWEAT.

First reader, Chikopeks & Noisy Bed

Let’s not talk about anal today la. Since this morning until now has been laosai-ing like third-world country. The last thing I wanna hear is things going in or out of assholes. We’ll continue that story next time…. Don’t worry, Goldfish uncle everything also don’t have, but got a lot of time.

On a sidenote, limpek have a single reader finally!!! Carrie I shall forever commemorate you as my first and sole reader and feel forever indebted to you. Since limpek really thought only my pantat chikopek friends will come to this site and check whether I got reveal their dirty secrets anot. Who knows finally got 1 person bother to read!! HA!! DIE YOU KANINEHS!!! Sommore I check her website, 'cheddarina' WAHHH SHE IS ACTUALLY A HOT CHIO BU!! Title there already can see one sibeh hot amoi!! Hoh seh liao la!!! Wahh limpek must’ve done a lot of charity last life, give to humankind. Maybe limpek last time is sun yat sen? That’s why so brillian? Can sing like Michael Jackson? Hemsem like Kutchee Ashton? see… somemore can rhyme. Jia hua hee already.

Then I see punya see, mana tau….. SHE IS MARRIED LIAO!!!

straight away limpek...

Aihh... 28 year old uncle… really cham… going to be alone…. whole life liao… me and four walls…世上只有妈妈好~~~

Suan le ba, life's like that

So, supposedly sleeping through a hangover from last night's kaulat party at Zouk, limpek asyik kena woken up by SMS from the bunch of blardy chikopeks. First one was from Tiong Beng.

"I hav to admit. Age catching up. Really really cannot drink n work nex morning. Si beh suffer now, waiting to close shop n rest. But 2nite sure kena punishment from wife, for yesterday MIA"

Tiong Beng is open IT shop in shopping mall wan. So never have holiday or weekend off wan. Sibeh ke-lian. I malas to layan the sms, went back to sleep. Then sms from my brother Cliffard

"Tiong Beng, u r da man la.. apo ni, share la. Sms circulate us 4 only, so scared for wat. Whr u loot her? Hahaha"

Then Tiong Beng:

"D story is yesterday Tobby completely fuck up. Cliffard and Weeman hav to jaga him take home. Leaving me, Dumbo and Garren. Dumbo left and I fetch Garren home coz his car in Kepong. Sync our cover story k!"

Nabeh by now I also quite awake d. Early morning sms fly here fly there... all details sommore so complicated.

Then Weeman's turn.

"TB kau lat ha. Loot her in ur car ala jack neo style isit?"

Then Tiong Beng.

"At her apart at damansara. Stupid cheap bed, like gonna collapse, so noisy! Told me nex time my place. Siao Boh! but she WET man I tell ya! Left my wallet there! And she know im married. Weeman. ur doing? Full story nex time la. Chipet Cliffard, SMS, wan the whole world to know AR!"

At this point I was laughing like gugujiao already about the bed. Imagining it going EE-O-EE-O-EE-O like those old bicycle when you never oil the chain. Then somemore the capital WET... hahaha why must put capital leh? Puah bai this Tiong Beng. I was thinking maybe this is not regular wet, but like melimpah limpah pouring waterfall wet! thats why must put capital! Hahaha. Maybe she pee on you la Beng! Then somemore go and leave wallet there. Wah, if limpek is the girl, limpek will phone him...

"Eh siao eh... tomoro you go and sell your IT shop. Sell everything. Then I want RM300,000. I give you until friday. You dowan? You dont love your wife? What you think if I tell your wife and show him this wallet? That time see who wet? When your shit also come out I see your pants wet anot?!"

HAHAHA. Sibeh hongkan liao this Tiong Beng. Hahaha when he give the RM300,000 (this guy sure got wan la, very hoh seh wan his business) then the girl can buy big big emperor size bed. Hahaha. Then wont collapse already. But Tiong Beng's piggy bank will collapse. Inside khang-khang no support.

Wah but this girl ha, not bad wan, quite chio wan. Without makeup limpek not sure la, because she seem to use quite heavy make up. She is those oobak oobak type, meaty meaty, so got quite some lingkus on her. Tiong Beng always also like these oobak girls. Always also say those more wet. Kaninah I think maybe his gugu skin very sensitive. Abit of friction will tear off from the head. But the weird thing is, his wife is SIBEH SIBEH skinny wan! Like tek-ko liddat skinny. Go figure.

These chikopeks really mong kang wan. Wan to hamsap then dont get married mah. Like limpek. Stay single. Give alot of Godzilla love to many amois. Let them use me to fill whatever emptiness they have in their life. They know at that Godzilla moment I truly love them and want them to be happy wan. Then enough for them liao. Even if it last only for that moment. Enough for limpek also. Because outside in real world all also fake wan.

But Tiong Beng must thank me for giving him the last minute encouragement. At the end of the nite, it was only left me, my date Twinkie, Tiong Beng, that girl Crystal,

and her original date Forgot-His-Name. Yes, originally she brought a date along wan. Hahaha. But that yuppie nerd is like gong gong liddat somemore selamba drink people's brandy never offer to pay. At first we just layan layan abit lor. Then everybody left already because those puki cannot drink but wanna banzai end up puking everywhere and left us. Then I just suddenly felt bored and want to go home liao, so I turn to Tiong Beng and told him "Eh, what you waiting for? bring her back liao la. I cover for you and distract mister yuppie there". Then I proceed to go purposely talk to mister yuppie. Waraoeh... these yuppie type guys, really sien kah nah lan. Talk to him limpek feel limpek better talk to my Godzilla. My Godzilla also more interesting than the things he talk about.

Then next thing I know, Tiong Beng really sneak off with Crystal! Kaulat! Hahaha that girl didnt even say anything to yuppie gongkia u know? Girls really horrible. Just disappear suddenly and go play oos-oos. Right after that I boh layan yuppie d and continue goreng goreng dirty dancing with my darling date Twinkie. Then went home and pengsan. Cibai u fuckers must believe me, I didnt bring Twinkie home la. Still got some goodness left in Goldfish uncle ok?

By the last sms, i suddenly remember "Oh SHITTT!!! Cibai liao!!! supposed to go pray grandfather for ching bing this morning."

Hongkan lor, another reason for my old man to tiu me kau kau lat. And maybe left rm100 for me in the will. Aiya fuck it la... nothing new. But hopefully ah kong will not blame me and continue po pui po pui me ok? Thank u thank u, pls make me huat tat and hua hee this year ok? rest in peace.

First Anal Adventure

The first time I poked an asshole, I was 17 years old. No, by asshole I don’t mean Ibrahim Ali (of malay supremacist organization PERKOSA) nor do I mean our asshole of a gahmen. I wouldn’t poke a single finger on that racist, hatred-stirring Shitbrahim although I wish Anwar will do him a favor and just ram his butthole. Our gahmen instead have their dicks too deep into all our assholes that it’s quite impossible for us to reach around to poke them back. Unless you’re flexible like this:

as u can see from diagram... gahmen people are very hairy. Because they're very lazy. Yes, hairy = lazy.

But nabeh you Asians where got so tua ki? That’s why I’m proud of my Godzilla. But my Godzilla also cannot go so long like that. So Malaysians all have very loose assholes and no problem with constipation since we get fucked by gahmen so often. But they’re smart enough to ban sodomy. So basically they can fuck our asshole but we cannot fuck theirs.

But I cannot help thinking, how come what we put in our asshole also must ask their permission? If people wanna put dick inside, then mah let them lor. If people wanna put banana also, boh pian lor… they song mah… why you must tell them they cannot? What about vagina then? If they put dildo, unnatural also mah… kena lokap also? Then tampon how? Or must rate whether the girl syok boh syok wan? If syok then masuk jail, if no syok then its fine. Then you girls better tahan and don’t be aroused.

Then should they come out with a list with what can be inserted into your backside/vagina? Waraaoeh, Approved Vaginal/Anal Insertion Object List: 1) Tampon 2) Diaper Plug 3) Contraceptive IUD 4) Cucumber ,etc… puah bai!! Gahmen really khamlan wan.

Back to topic, at 17, I committed a crime in Malaysia. I had anal sex. It was my first girlfriend, May, and she was two years older than me so she’s more heong. I remember I was fucking her that time, doggy style, and then I noticed when she ‘came’ that time her asshole pucker up, like tighten, open, tighten, open liddat and she was sighing and moaning like sibeh song. (of course song la kanineh my Godzilla not play play wan). That time I remember thinking, ‘wahh.. if my godzilla inside that tiny asshole that time and she pucker up close and open liddat… mah sibeh song!?’. So I continue doing her until I knew she was about to come again, then I started fingering her asshole la. Wahlaueh I remember it was damn kau tight and had to use a shit load of saliva to squeeze my finger in.

Then it was the most kaulat feeling. I feel as though my finger is stuck in the vacuum cleaner pipe liddat… siiibeehhh suction kaukau and then somemore got pulsating feeling. That time I know, beh hoh seh liao lah…. If I put Godzilla inside I will be in heaven. Of course that time I try not to think of the leftover chocolate cake stuck inside. Or the possibility of Godzilla kena fart. If not Godzilla will run and hide under turtleneck liao.

But that time she beh song d, complained very pain. Kanineh index finger only so small she already say pain, if I let Godzilla go in play then she mah lausai for one year? So I just I just insert abit and finger halfway while we fuck lor. I thought let her learn to enjoy abit abit first. Next time only go all the way. Its like driving liddat mah, must first gear second gear then later on only can go last gear. If not engine straight away die. But that was my first time fascination with fuck backside. Although not yet get to fuck backside. But I will update again next time what happened after that. Last time 17 years old abit paiseh to buy lubricant in 7-11 mah… you know lah usually the Minah Tudung will look at you one kind. Later they bisik bisik pointing pointing in the shop…. I very paiseh leh 17 years old only leh. So without KY Jelly and needing extra extra lubricant, what did you think I used?

Correct guess I will send you a packet of KY Jelly.

Continue later, boss kaupeh already.

p/s: will i get thrown in jail by the gahmen from writing this?

2010 MCA PRESIDENT CHUA SOI LEK!

Chua Soi Lek wins erection!!! Can you believe it? Malaysia Chinese really beyond saving and really deserve to get fucked on the asshole by those UMNOputras. This notorious pai kia head also can win by such big majority. Every connection he has also links to big time gangsters. Every vote he gets also he buy with money wan. Wtf. Malaysian politics really got no dignity wan. Its smelly like sweaty bangala armpit in a packed bus.

Okay but all these accusation is baseless and all hear from people tell me wan la… so don’t believe all (limpek quite scared the ISA come catch me and fuck my backside and throw to Kamunting for sedition.) You know la… Malaysia cannot simply simply tiao ruling party. U say MCA no good, u kena soot. Say DAP full of goon, all your projek oon oon eat bee hoon. Say UMNO no good!? Walaueh, they twist your lampahzi around your dick to make ribbon on top. Ok maybe not so bad la. Maybe u just suddenly fall off tall building. Or kena explode by c4 to pieces. Special democracy they call it… puah bai!!!

Anyway this Chua Lo Lek (always wear big gold shiny lolek watch wan this guy) I personally see before in a temple function. That time was after his porno DVD scandal with the auntie wan came out (auntie wearing Victoria secret lingerie wan wahlaueh my eyes want to grow pimple). So everybody thought he was going down and will soon be deem insignificant.

But then its not just the sex scandal la, coz everybody also know these rich fucker politicians all also got amoi left and right. All always go china to loot all the young xiao long nus. So ke-lian the young xiao long nus kena loot by these Viagra infused reput dicks, instead of my Godzilla. But these rich fucker politicians can pay much more, so the xiaolongnus also fuck me not free la actually. What to do. Life is like that. Whores are like that. Actually… most people are like that.

But this Chua Lo Lek, when he give speech that time, limpek feel lagi boring than when my headmaster Mr. Ch’ng last time gave speech in high school. Abit also no charisma! Abit also not motivated! Abit also no aura of someone important or a leader! Kaninah you know sometimes in school Monday mornings got assembly and the stupid ketua pengawas go give a gugujiao speech and everybody falling asleep? This Lolek Chua is liddat. Completely dismissable!

And another time I happen to be at a function where Ong Tee Ko was giving speech. Although he’s from MCA (party I pang pui to), but this guy can give very good speech! When he tok, people will listen. Not playing with their iphone or tickling their girlfriends ling ku like normal Lolek speeches. He also got the leader aura, like someone very important just walk into the room. Lolek only feels like someone very hamsap just walk into the room, going to touch your backside. Somemore Ong Tee Ko open the issue with the Port Klang Free Zone scandal that swallowed billions of Malaysian ringgit!! Our money!! You know how many xiao long nu can teman you for that kind of money? Zhu Hai line up until Shen Zhen ah!! At least Ong Tee Ko try to make issue with that although he might have his own agenda.

But the most lucky thing is Ong Ka Ting didn’t win. Kaninah this Ong Kata Nothing…. Do nothing, say nothing, erection 08 win nothing. Somemore got the lampahzi to try and come back. When the UMNO bully Chinese, he always sit there knock his lampahzi against each other and never say anything. Come back for what? Walaueh bad people really wan to live forever and never quit wan.

So my friend Fatty Wie say got people placing bet in Johor on who was going to win. Apparently the odds is best with Ong Ka Ting winning!! Can you believe it? Chinese Malaysian stupid boh you say? Singaporeans always laugh at us say we sua ku and stupid. Its actually quite true! (But then Singaporean also quite stupid, tiam tiam kena tekan gahmen everyday in everything).

The point is…… MCA erection also can bet money wan ah?! Chinese people really lau kui and really cannot save wan. Last time I think it was Mahathir that said, Chinese people, how many stone in the hand also they want to bet. Its true!! Kaninah! Everything also want to bet!! Everything also want to gamble!! Gamble until pokai already then go find ah long!! Then when ah long burn your shop then you complain gahmen. Puah bai!!

Eh wait… that’s not the point. The point is, actually it might be a good thing also that Chua Lo Lek wins. This will just further damage MCA reputation as a completely donkey Chinese party full of asses. Then next erection, maybe MCA will be wipe out kau kau lat. Then maybe things will start to be better for Malaysian Chinese.

But then again you never know. If the infamous Tiong ‘King’ Sing (Mr. I-own-3-aeroplanes-and-I’m-government-ATM) is really back Lolek wan… die liao. Spend more money and these cheap Chinese rakyat prostitutes (men & women) will just vote for them again. And then all his pai kia tailou kaki will come and whack the opposition… and search for me to burn my Godzilla. Shit… now I very scared liao. Puah bai.

Malaysia Best New Blogger

Handsome: “Siao ehhh!! (* arrogant smirk on face) lim peh kau lat already la… lim peh ran ten km la! 10 fucking km you know??”

Tobby: “Issit (pretends to be bored, but obviously caught his attention). Aiya how long? Two whole hours is it”

Cliffard: “Ala slowly slowly run, ask me to run 20km also no big deal la”

Tobby: “Yalaaa cheh, don’t have one hour you don’t talk to me la”

Handsome: “Ohhh? You did one hour for 10 km?”

Tobby: “Ahboh ? A couple of minutes pass one hour la… run until face green only can wan la you think wat”

Handsome: “Ohh very hor liao la now? PEI!!! HONGKAN LA!! You ownself see. 45 mins ah (show picture on handphone)!! FOOOOOHHH TEEE FAIIIII minutes ah!! Kaulat boh!? Waa ha ha ha!!”

*silence from the two donkeys... Chui tat lan.

Handsome: “WA HA HA HA kaulat anot!? KAULAT ANOT!? Kauuu lattt laaa”

Tobby: “Walao… serious wan. How now Cliff? Your brother siao liao”

Cliffard: “Err… ha ha (nervous laughter of a man put to shame)”

Tobby: “Wahh cannot liao like that… siao liao siao liao… tomorrow have to start training liao”

Handsome: “WA HA HA HA Slowwwwly train la you! WA HA HA HA by the time you ready, I’ll be running 15km in 60 minues liao la. Jiak sai la HA HA HA ”

*Tobby and Cliffard sibeh kiasu wan. So they looked very tulan already

Tobby: “Aiya... Kenny Sia also can run 42km la what’s the big deal? “

Handsome: “Ha? Tuapuikia Kenny Sia? Hahaha mai siao la!! Dont tok kok ok ?”

Tobby: “Don’t believe you go read his blog. He went all the way to the States just to run that 42km marathon. But of course, don’t know how long he took la. Maybe he was running 7kmh and then walked like 20km of the way”

Handsome: “Kenny Sia wor!!! That fat bastard blogger?! Kenny Sia wor! Nola don’t tok kok. I don’t believe. Siao eh, u think easy ah”

Tobby: “Everybody also know la. Kanineh got time you go read around blogs la, everything also don’t know. Sibeh outdate.”

Handsome: “Ooo ia boh?! Mai hao siao wa oh!!”

Tobby: “Yala! No hao siao you. You don’t know meh? Some more he open a gym in Kuching. I hear very big wan, can fight Celebrity gym wan. Boh kan dan leh”

Handsome: “Har?! Tua pui kia can open gym so hoh seh ah!? Some more run 42km? Blogging can be so kaulat wan meh?! Don’t tok kok la! I mean, some lampah fellow write a bunch of lampah articles on website then can become so lampah hoh seh? Mai siao laaa”

Tobby: “Siao eh. Blogging already damn heng la since 8 years ago. You don’t so sua ku can anot? You know how much those blogger can make anot!? No need to work already la, full time job la! Lagi so glamour, girls all suka”

Cliffard: “Yeah. Weh don’t kua suey that fat bugger k. I hear he makes 40k a month you know?? From writing stupid shit and posting on his blog. Somemore can be super famous. Lampah also can become dragon la! Damn hero dey!”

Handsome: “What the flying fuck!!! Lim pek chao chao also can write better essays than him! Take better pictures than him! Do better photoshop than him! More en tao than him! Body also more keat than him!! How come lim pek only earn fucking 3 thousand a month?!! Work like cibai bangala! Lick taukeh’s lampa! People eat shark fin I eat bah gua! Want to loot china girls but can only afford chui la ba!! Soon money not enuff hafto fuck chao ah gua!! Wah piang eh!!” (no, I never fuck chao ah gua before ok)

Tobby: “wahahaha coz you much more stupid than him!”

Handsome: “knnbccb!! How come blogging so popular wan!? Wtf why nobody tell me wan!”

Tobby: “Kanineh that time you busy fucking around in Canada dowan come back. Now come back liao everything also don’t know. Kam lan la you. Blogging already very heng la. Every Ah-beng Ah-seng Ah-lian Ah-huey also got blog la”

Handsome: “Serious shit ah!? Lau niang! How come you all don’t have blog?!”

Tobby: “Cibai I blog for fucks ah? Work in the jungle everyday, blog about bangala chop oil palm tree ah? Got time I go bet football lagi syok. Make more money”

Cliffard: “Aiya don’t kaupeh la. You mah go follow him write a stupid blog and say stupid things lor. Maybe people will go read your khamlan nonsense. Who knows, many khamlan people like you also hahaha.”

Tobby: “Wahaha damn sohai (stupid vagina). Eight years too late d la! Now people will just say you jump into bandwagon only.”

Cliffard: “Hahaha yala. But since you say until like you can really write. Worse come to worse, we read your blog once a week lor. Who knows, maybe got one or two siao lang will like to read your nonsense”

(my brother sibeh supportive wan… puah bai!!)


Suddenly, sitting in the kopitiam under the jambu tree… I had my revelation. Like last time Buddha sit under the Bo tree get enlightened. Then Mohammad was sleeping in the cave also got angel’s message. Martin Luther dreaming halfway get enlightened. Anwar kena whack in jail that time also enlightened. Ong Ka Ting pangsai halfway also get revelation… want to become MCA president again.


My revelation under the jambu tree:


My name is Handsome Garren Teow. I have many things to say, but nobody wants to listen. I want to be a blogger. And say things I'm not supposed to say. Because I see things I'm not supposed to see. So I'll tell you things you're not supposed to hear. This will be my blog! Here I talk you listen. After you listen, if you beh song, you can tiao me in the comments. Welcome to my blog!