Look Ma, It's A Bung Hole!

Last week everywhere people talking about the singkapo flood. Limpek no need see newspaper, read several blogs also can see many pictures already. Limpek also know from overseas usually flood not covered by insurance, correct boh? Because its quite uncommon natural disaster.

Insurance as usual, always con people this way. You pay and pay and then when shit happens the blardy con-ladies will say "oh mister, soli ha this kind of incident no cover wan. Its written here on page 24356 paragraph 578 and 1/2. Here's a complimentary coffee mug though, we're very sorry to hear about the dead garupa fishes in your car." Suddenly you regret trying to peek down her two unbuttoned blouse rather than paying attention to the super fine prints in the contract.





Thats why insurance is the biggest 'con'-cept in todays industries to bullshit the modern generation.
Do you notice they always have their faces (mugshot) on their namecards? Limpek's boss say wan "only those biggest conmen/conwomen will have their faces on the business cards." Because they need to sell themselves rather than the actual product/service. Because they also know their product/service is bullshit wan.


So after flood everybody bank account also kena wash away. It is such a pity. Alot of fancy cars in singkapo also kena celup water. If in Malaysia not too bad because mostly Proton cars. Proton cars is like aluminium tin like that, very light so can float on water wan. Thats why they charge the local Proton price similar to Mercedes in overseas. Same concept like carbon fiber mah ngam mou?

But lucky Malaysia no such flood problem. Not because we got no flood but its because we had too many floods before. Eventually the stupid gahmen got sick of soaking their lazy wrinkly lampah every other day in muddy water and started launching projects to prevent flood.

Well... actually not really also... limpek take it back. The rich corrupted politician fucks all live at hilltops and high lands anyway... The ones soaking our balls in the sewer water is you and me. The consequences of buying shit-high over-valued houses built in cheap ex oil palm estates. Not only we spend half our life trying to pay off the lampah house, we spend another half trying to kill the fucking termites. The developers (along with the gahmen fucks involved of course) think we are only same standard with termites. They eat wood, we eat grass. Together we live happily ever after in the ex oil palm estate.

"soaking in humid weather promotes fungal growth" Mario & Luigi

But at the very least we're not swimming to work nowadays like how we used to swim back from school during floods. So, mai hiam still beh pai. The only flood we have in Malaysia nowadays are the ones in Parlimen when the ceiling leak.

But then Parlimen only mah... most important place for lawmakers in Malaysia only mah.... what's the big deal? See at times like those we must be positive and remember the theory of relativity from Einstein. If stadium roof can collapse, brandless computers can cost tens of thousands, National Palace can cost 800 million, Port Klang can make billions disappear, hot gers can be blown to pieces, men can be thrown off windows, whats the big deal about some leaky ceilings in Parlimen? So next time feel free to grab a boob or two of a total stranger... and then use the theory of relativity with reference to the pedophile rapists caught yesterday and see if you can convince the police.

Speaking of the leaky Parlimen ceilings who can forget Malaysia's biggest asshole, Datuk Bung Mokhtar Radin...

Now, now, limpek is not trying to be rude or anything, but it wasnt limpek who named him an asshole. Check urban dictionary here.

1.	bung hole
	buy bung hole mugs, tshirts and magnets Another term for asshole, derived from the hole that a bung (stopper for a hole in a barrel) fits in. Eg: "Dude, my bung hole is covered with dingleberries."

Mr. Bunghole Mokhtar (barbaric ape MP of Kinabatangan) said to lady MP Fong of Batu Gajah "Mana ada bocor? MP Batu Gajah bulan bulan pun bocor" (where got leak? MP of Batu Gajah every month also leak). Thus Datuk Anus Mokhtar single handedly set sexual discrimination and professionalism back to 50 years ago at the Parlimen. But what did Malaysians expect to come out from an anus other than shit and fart?

Of course this year Datuk Anus was again in the limelight after his polygamous relationship was revealed. His secretly-married second wife was Zizie Ezette, a much sought after actress back then. Limpek think it was WAAYYYY back then coz limpek never even heard her name. Much condemnation has been placed on Datuk Anus as deserved, but perhaps the gold-digging skank should share some of the attacks? She probably craves fatherly love from this oldman 20 years her senior. Eww. Zizie has once again proved that many girls are suckers for assholes. Or the Porsche.




Datuk Anus was fined with polygamy supposedly, but during the hearings the couple displayed very casual and joyful mood, smiling and joking about before speeding off in his Porsche Cayenne. What a mockery of the system. What a mockery of Malaysia. What a joke.


Were they not blowing hot air about the corrupted dumbass councillor of Opposition party yesterday? The Stupid Star paper, as usual, will always feature frontpage whenever a story is detrimental to the opposition party. Well, if they're really interested in wiping up shit, perhaps they can start with their own bunghole.

Tetex at Archidex

Original pic from Ooi Guan Yi

So last week was Archidex right, the biggest exhibition in Malaysia for building and construction materials. Being a chao uncle contractor it is a tradition for limpek to attend it every year. It’s not like there’s much for limpek to do over there, afterall, every year it’s just the same lanjiao things displayed in a different way.

But being a pretend-engineer / fake specialist limpek at least have to act interested and go look see look see. What? You think there are actually real ‘specialists’ in Malaysia? Why you think so many structures collapse or leak over time? Why for every little project there’s a ton of foreign consultants?

roof can collapse

Malls can burn

Though it helps in Malaysian Tourism... Good spots for cam-whoring

So must always invite limpek's favorite sexy ahlian blogger...

Mamat Zaki Construction Cheat One™

And yet Najib wants to develop nuclear reactor technology. Hohseh... limpek think can say goodbye Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia liao. We shall toast to our colorful future of multiple limb babies and Gojiras crawling about in our drains. Ya, the real Godzillas... not the sexciting batangs. It shall truly be 1southeastasia.... Maybe Rosmah can be queen just because of the sheer size of her head.

Oh, sorry, lets get back to topic before limpek attract too much ISA attention. Sorry gahmen and readers, those were all just lies. No foreign con-sultans, no redundant projects, no nukes and definitely no Rosmah deformed head. She’s as pretty as can be. (limpek just puked a little in my mouth).

Every year limpek will bring this bunch of lazy useless gahmen engineers and consultants to the exhibition. Its not like they’re really interested also, but mention a free day off-office and the free bollocks that they give out in these exhibition, there’s no way these leeches can resist. Throw in a free lunch and they’ll all scramble into your car and maybe even ride on your roof.

Why aren’t they interested? Because these gahmen engineers and their gahmen projects are usually sub-out to private companies anyway. Yet they still need to hire hordes of employees to do nothing but tickle each others’ testicles. Take a wild guess who’s really paying for these testicle tickling sessions? That’s right. But unfortunately it is important to limpek that these projects go back to limpek’s company. Of course, our company being competent or not is the least of concern in these lands. As long as limpek keep massaging their testicles, my building roof can collapse and be featured on the frontpage news it wouldnt even matter. The company can still be awarded to build the national palace next.

TTS... a favorite past-time among Gahmen Works Dept.

So limpek took the usual suspects from their offices and brought them straight to the expo. Barely even an hour into the expo they were already whining about lunch-time and being hungry. Sure, limpek think, while you’re at it why not take my keys and wallet, go drive off and do some shopping. Heck wanna move into my house and sleep on my bed as well?

Limpek took them to a lavish restaurant, and spent them lunch (as usual). The most annoying thing is there’s NEVER any thank yous or indication of appreciation after. They have mastered the act as though it is the most natural thing for me to do (to spend them) like limpek OWES it to them. Sick puahbais.

There is one engineer, a female Malay girl at her early thirties (32-34?), that had always had a thing for limpek. Granted limpek have to pretend like the most charming and generous contractor whenever infront of her & company but for some weird reasons she gets super horny around limpek. Limpek wont deny its kinda flattering, but she’s not like Siti Nurhaliza (younger days) hot or Mizz Nina sexy. She’s kinda… typical looking.

She’s short (barely reach limpek's shoulders) with big eyes and big lips. A little meaty but she has megagantic boobs spilling out all over even with the traditional ‘baju kurung’ Malay gear. Meaty is kinda good... Limpek have no complains for skinny 'raisins on the wall' or meaty 'bah kut teh'... but you know lah what they say, san san jit ki kut, kang hoo kua beh chut. (thin thin one bone, kungfu cannot see) (direct translation fail).

Lina is her name. She doesn’t read blogs (hopefully limpek’s right). Whenever limpek stop by their office or take them out to lunch or dinner, Lina will flirt shameless with limpek. Joking about things like Chinese dick size being small and asking limpek to show her just to prove Gojira…. Or things like claiming she can make limpek shoot 10meters away and strike the walls on the opposite side of her desk. Yeah, shameless flirtings like that even when the other colleagues are around. Usually limpek will be on PR mode and just flirt back harmlessly to keep them happy.

But that day was different. For some reason Lina was being incredibly extra horny. From the moment limpek picked them up, she talked about nothing but sex and lanjiaos! On and on she's going about sex positions la... SM la... tittyjobs la... inserting weird objects la... niaseng even Yu Kym would be embarassed.

In the expo she took limpek’s hand and kepit between her boobs to walk around the exhibition. Limpek had to weasel every way to rescue my arm back. Kanineh! Sibeh beh hiao pai seh! In the car she complained about being tired and started moaning as though she’s having sex. At first everyone thought she was just being funny and laughed it off. But after 15 mins of that shit everyone also realize this siaocharboh ki-hiao until ki-siao liao.

And then she insisted that limpek drop off everyone first, then send her straight home. Way off limpek’s direction! Kaninah, at that point limpek also can sense some bad fengshui coming liao.

Then she started fondling Gojira. WTF!!! There we were, stuck in traffic in the middle of K.L, and this crazy Malay girl in tudung and baju kurung has her hand inside limpek’s pants. Playing with Gojira. Siao liao siao liao...

Of course Gojira couldn’t wait to wake up and roar. Limpek also quite bengang, ask her “ehhh jahat ar you…. What you trying to do! Public ni, Lina!”

She replied, “Want to check your so-called Godzilla mahhh… you kan selalu mengada-ngada tu... Wahhh, wake up already! Somemore want to pretend shy?”

Have to shamefully admit… limpek was quite song that time. Getting a handjob in the middle of town with so many people around us, from a crazy nympho tudung stranger.

Here’s where limpek try to justify myself. Limpek is single, Lina is single, so there’s no hurting anybody. Lina is horny, and if she continues what shes doing, limpek will be horny too. Lina is a high-positioned engineer that can do A LOT of favors for limpek.

Okay. Cibai liao. The excuses doesn’t even sound convincing anymore, does it?

Reach her place already Lina asked limpek “come up and chill la, I live alone, and this place is safe”.

Kanineh. Safe for you la of course. Not safe for Gojira mah.

Wait. Safe? Oh right. JAIS (Islamic religious officers) might just jump our asses and catch us for breaking the close-proximity law. Yes, it’s a ‘crime’ for Muslims in Malaysia to be in close quarters alone in close proximity with the opposite sex. And they can be forced to get married. ‘Khalwat’ is what they call it. But good news for limpek, being Chinese this doesn’t apply to me. Nevertheless she can still get in trouble.

Limpek was thinking, ‘lanjiao la come up chill… come up means today no need exercise already, waist and knee will be tired.’

But Gojira already led limpek halfway up the stairs already HAHAHA.

- fast forwarded -

The sex was pretty disappointing. No BJs, massages, tease or anything. Another dead fish on the bed, expecting limpek to go thru karma sutra myself. The only interesting part was because she's only the second Malay girl limpek has had sex with (non-working girl la, I mean), and the first one who wears a tudung. Limpek asked her to keep her tudung and baju kurung on, because limpek always had a thing for costumes.

Well, tudung and baju kurung arent exactly costumes, but cincai la. Costumes/uniforms are always the best. Limpek had tried nurse, frenchmaid, witch, cheongsam and kimono before with the exs, and it had always been fun. Limpek had always wanted to do it with a girl in tudung, something about barley dangling on the hood of the scart is just exciting. Yes la, sick la, limpek know la.

See what limpek mean?

But... dont end up with this...

But Lina didnt let limpek fire an Olympic load on the tudung. So... no barley on the hood. (sounds like a rap song)

You know that post-orgasm reflections that one always get after sex?

Well... this time around, a sort of cloudy kinda regret is all limpek felt.

Limpek wonder what's wrong...

All, I know is, it just kinda felt like this...

Perhaps they were right...

Casual meaningless sex eats at you slowly over time...

By the time you realize it, there won't be much of you left.

The Stupid Star Says Silly Stuff. (say that fast 5x)

Last week's news in Malaysia has been full of flavor. The reporters must be damn syok with all the news to report. Yet, did you see what was on the front page of The Star on thursday? Early early first thing in the morning, this is what they slap on your face in HUUUGGGEEE size main page.




What the flying fuck.

Fucking Khairy Jamaluddin looking like someone was sticking it in his asshole.

Well if it was going to be anyone, based on the greatest hate-khairy factor, it'll most likely be him.




Nothing to kill limpek's mood more than cocK-hairy's tard face splattered on the front page first thing in the morning. Somemore in regards to donno what redundant bullshit story of cocKhairy toughening it out in military training for 1 month (oh, wow, how impressive... he's Navy Seal material now). Somemore what codename Terrier training. Kahnin, what's a lazy silver-spoon-overfed neutered english bulldog like him doing in a 'Terrier' training? Here's the article. Good job gahmen, for insulting the uniforms and military of Malaysia by putting it on this porkchop. Now we can really take the military seriously.


Nabeh, who the fuck cares about Khairy!? This insignificant cock-pus does NOTHING for humankind let alone Malaysians, not forgetting the supposed champion of Malay rights couldnt even speak Bahasa Malaysia when he first return. Malaysian? Even the pirate dvd ahbeng does more for the society and speak better Malay than him.

Also son-in-law of the worst performing sleepy prime minister of Malaysia and corrupted to the very bones. Eat slipper rice to the very max worming his way into power by laying the ex-PM's daughter, and then robbing the malaysians big time. Heck, people hated him enough to publish an entire book just to announce how much he is hated. Way to go cocK-hairy, you sure booked yourself an express no-connection ticket straight to hell.

Yet, The Star finds no problem in farting out this article.

Well you cant really blame those puahbais. The Star is a piece of shit government-run newspaper full of selective reporting and propaganda messages. The Star is pwned by MCA. MCA is pwned by UMNO. And UMNO is pwned by corrupt elitist of Malaysia. So what kind of decent journalism do you expect from the Star?


Star, if you're going to ruin people's morning breakfast like that, you might as well just post this pic instead.

ohhh so steamy and nais....

Ok forget cocK-hairy Jamaluddin, lets not ruin our appetite. Did anyone see the report on this?

Chinese word got write correct ar? Limpek copy from Google Translator wan... paiseh, limpek cannot write tenang di.

Okay fine limpek mengada abit... Saja wanna add in the shock factor. Hero Donnie Yen didnt really extort from anyone and neither did the real Ip Man. But, Malaysian Wing Chun Grandmaster Extorted from Gold Trader! (click to read article)

38 years old Malaysian Wing Chun Grandmaster, lup sok goldtrader with piggypolis

Kanineh! Really so zhit tor meh?! Sifu have to go lou lup some ahbeng gold-trader and make him give RM100k? Is sifu working part time ahlong collector? Limpek somemore remember Grand Sifu Ip Man say in the movie "Chinese Kungfu is not about the physical prowess! Its about the discipline and chinese spirit of chivalry!"

Puah bai if Ip Man is here to see this ar..... gerenti kek sim! High blood pressure shoot up the roof!

Okay that was interesting and whatnot. But limpek realize though, in the whole article why is there minimal mention of that two...

Bugger look too damn sleepy to be Wing Chun Grandmaster. More like drunken fist.

Yes, limpek meant the two fat little dirty piggies in the background. Go read back the article again, and you will see what limpek mean. The only thing mentioned was their names lieutenant corporal Abdul Rahman Mat and lieutenant corporal Mohamad Fitri Junaidi.

And besides, "The kung fu master was accused of intentionally helping..."
Meaning the two fat little dirty piggies were the one who tried to extort from the gold-trader. And sohai Chan was just being the police's barking dog to scare the trader.

But of course, The Star wouldnt wanna focus on anything that might make the Police look bad... They share the same slavemasters anyway. So why not just focus on the Chinese guy with the Chinese Kungfu that the Chinese are so proud of? Being used by dirty piggies just to extort money.

Limpek think this sohai Chan deserve the shame and punishment that he's getting now for being such a doggy dumbfuck, but limpek also think the two fat little dirty piggies deserve just as much coverage. With big pictures splattered on the paper and more details on who they are. What with the selective badguy targetting? Those two are the taikors of the extortion anyway right? The whole article reads as though some kungfu masters involvement with the extortion is much more important than the fact that two POLICE OFFICERS ATTEMPTED TO EXTORT.

Fuck off lah The Star.


But the problem is, there's no other decent newspaper in good circulation. New Straits Time reports garbage and Utusan Malaysia is just a racist bigot puahbai newspaper more interested in instigating Malay hatred of the Chinese more than anything else.

Besides, they're ALL owned by ruling political party agencies. So, puahbai lor, read what leh?

Limpek wanted to talk about the MIC Indian samseng 'Semi-Value' abit but wrote for too long liao. Time to go out hiao now, maybe get to see Hot Jane again tonite. Wish limpek luck. Continue tomorrow.

Dont play play with Police or you eat cock Sandwich II

There are 62 people in the jail cell.

Limpek ask Jeremy Ang, “how big is the cell?” Who knows right? maybe like lecture hall so big, then 62 inmates not so bad.

“Its very fucking small… I’d say like, around slightly bigger than the size of your room.”

Puahbai you Jeremy. I know limpek’s room very small, you don’t need like that suan siao me.

The size of a typical small Redbox Karaoke room for 4-5 people is 10 m². Limpek do a rough calculation, maybe the size of limpek’s room is about… 400m²?

No lah siao boh… If limpek’s room so big won’t have to kaupeh kaubu everyday liao. Limpek’s room, maybe about 20-30 m² (laugh la laugh la puah bai). A person’s length from shoulder to shoulder is about 0.5m. So a person probably occupy about 0.5m radius circle. So base on Jeremy Ang’s description, this is around how big the jail cell is.

The oval shapes are the 62 prisoners at random standard sizes.

In other words, if the bugger infront of you fart…

Or if he sneeze…

Lack of space can be a very dangerous thing...

If you refer to the diagram limpek sketch for you, it is obvious there is no room for a person lay down also. So how to sleep? Like that lor…






But of course Tony Jaa never slept. There are times when no matter how tired and sleepy you are, your asshole will open up and keep screaming to you “FUCKER WAKE UPPP!!!” because it can sense the sha qi (killing aura) of the big guy behind you. From Saturday early morning when Tony was detained until Monday morning, he never sleep at all. Such is the fear you feel for your kah ch’ng.

The bus which Tony travelled in was stopped in a highway operation. Although limpek don’t think police are allowed to conduct these inspection in the middle of major highway, causing traffic jam. By end of operation, a whole truckload of them (40 immigrants without documents) were sent to balai. The extra 12 inmates were drug addicts / thieves.

Isn’t it awesome that our police are so hardworking, using up a whole team the entire day to grab these immigrants? Limpek guess Malaysia is such a great safe place nowadays with real crimes hardly ever happening so that the police have to occupy all these free time by rounding immigrants. What gangster problems? Snatch thieves? Rempits? Never heard before. Boy kena shot to death? Where got? Oh you mean the robber… Kugan kena whack to death? By whom? Well, maybe if your cat is stuck in the tree they will send an entire team to come help you. Wow Malaysia is really crime-free liao. Police Malaysia, we heart you long time!

When Jeremy Ang reach there in the morning, he showed them all of Tony’s legal documents to clear him. But the police don’t want to let him go, say have to give compound. Technically there’s no such compound. Jeremy was thinking “knnbccb! Puahbai! fuck ur backside long long time” but his mouth say “Oh sorry tok, please give a chance tok, I travel from KL to get this done tok.” While showing his most geli nahpet smile.

Officer say “Chief wants to see you, but he hasn’t arrive yet. You wait la, he should be here in an hour or so.” The time was already 10:00am. Got people can start work at 11:00am wan? so ‘nais’ (borrow from cheesie).

When Jeremy Ang finally meets the chief, it all came down to demanding kopi money afterall. Chief wanted RM250. Jeremy haggle until finally settle at RM200. Amazing isn’t it? Police saman also you can haggle wan nowadays. Its like pasar buy fish like that, can play walk-away mind game also maybe.

Tony Jaa smelled like he was peed on by the whole neighborhood of cats and then grill with expired petai belacan and then soak in Zouk’s toilet bowl after people puke. Jeremy couldn’t even breathe and drop him off in nearest gas station to shower and change first. A few minutes more and Jeremy would have puke himself also liao.

On the way home, Tony Jaa told him about the jail cell. Some inmates cannot tahan already and only 1 toilet bowl so people were just pissing on their own spot. At the corners even got fresh shit. There’s hardly proper ventilation and no fan, so everybody is like roasted chicken in the afternoon heat. Everyone was coughing on each others faces and spitting everywhere. At nights, the mosquitoes attack like Yakuza and everyone was scratching until bleeding. The itch did not come from just mosquito bites… there were kutus (mites/bugs) everywhere as well and you can even see them jumping/flying around. Tony Jaa had tears streaming down his face while he was recounting his story.

62 inmates. RM200 for each. 200 x 62 = RM12,400. After a single operasi I guess the station can now organize an extra vacation trip to Haatyai this year.

Maybe they got this idea after reading the Star’s report about those subcontractor dog-catchers. Those fellows go around catching stray dogs not giving a shit how they handle the dogs wan. Doesn’t matter if the dogs die also (most of the time the dogs die anyway or get severely wounded), they get paid by the amount of dogs they catch. That’s all that matters.

At least now we know someone in the police force actually got read newspaper wan and very innovative also.

Granted he did not apply MC or get employer's permission. But Tony had only wanted to visit his sick auntie in Perlis.

Tomorrow, limpek post the second important incident. Got nothing to do with this incident actually but in this life, everything is connected.

Again, longer disclosure just for limpek’s own safety: Everything written is fictional and not true at all and meant for blabbering purposes. The author Goldfish Uncle, me, is delusional and semi-retarded and a compulsive liar. The story came in a wet dream induced by overdose of Nescafe kopi plus 5 cans of sugar mix with Colgate. The characters are not real and any resemblance to real person is solely unintended. The Malaysian Police is extremely honest and transparent and great and invincible and intelligent and the greatest gift God has ever given mankind. We love the highly incorruptible Malaysian Police for the peace, justice and efficiency that they stand for.

Limpek already said fiction... if it sounds true, smells true, looks true and seems so obviously true, then you must be delusional and semi-retarded like limpek as well.

Dont play play with Police or you eat cock sandwich

Saturday, May 1st 2010. Two interesting things happen around the same time. Are they connected? Maybe. Because everything that happens in life is related one way to another. At least that’s what limpek thinks.

Just now limpek go eat dinner with best friend Jeremy Ang. Limpek know Jeremy Ang since nursery already, very different style in character yet many similarities in essence. Jeremy Ang work with family in manufacturing special machine in Bandar Puteri wan. Typical chao uncle kind of jobs like all limpek's friend. Their factory got alot of immigrant workers, mostly skilled labors trained very long already. Most of them are vietnamese (again, coincidentally)

So we were enjoying steamboat and Jeremy Ang told me, “nowadays the Indonesian workers very expensive. Although very skilful and easy to train, they always want to climb your head and charge more and more. Many of them always try to cheat my money or steal material. But then easy to train because can speak Bahasa.”

Limpek say “maybe because you look like Mr.Bean? Look very easy to bruff?”

Jeremy Ang just ignore me. “The Bangala leh, very useless. Under the sun abit they beh tahan already. Next day wont come back. Work very slowly and learn very slow. But they are cheaper, obedient employees and not so pai kia.”

Limpek remember few years back there were many issues of the Indonesian girls all syok at the Bangala workers. They say because the Bangalas more hemsem, look like Sharukh khan.

Sharukh Khan, Indon immigrant woman's idol

They somemore say the Bangala better lover, know how to romen romen and make love slow and steady. Not like the Indonesian workers shake like hamster. So the Indon girls go fuck with the Bangala Sharukh Khans.

Indon hamster beh song

Bangla Sharukh kan sibeh song!!

End up the Indonesian workers tulan the Bangala workers, always go and whack them. The Bangala workers are more gentle and nahpet wan, so end up kena whack like pig head cookie. A few cases the Bangala somemore kena kill.

a dark moment in human history

Alof of cornflake with the law. So nowadays the bosses tulan already they rather hire the Vietnamese, Myanmar, Cambodian or Thais. These guys more kut lat. They dont create too much trouble and they are skilful. Although trying to communicate to them is like talking to limpek's fridge. Can hear sound but cannot understand reply. Fridge also donno wat the fuck you want.

Jeremy Ang's workers are all Vietnamese. Work for very long time already, all fully trained. Jeremy Ang say, they come work for his company, got special Selangor permit wan. Its not a Malaysian permit, just the selangor state. Meaning if they want to go outside Selangor, they have to get letter from employer and their passport. The employer keeps their passport wan. Anything happens the employer will tanggung.

So on Friday, this Viet guy from Jeremy Ang’s factory didn’t come to work. Just for easy reference limpek will call him Tony Jaa. Yes limpek know Tony Jaa is not Vietnamese, but.don’t kaupeh let limpek finish story.

So that friday Tony Jaa never apply leave also. Once in a while these buggers will do this kind of puahbai things simply dont show up for work. Jeremy Ang very tulan but no choice. Just have to get others to cover Tony’s work for that day..

Saturday morning suddenly receive a call from police. This is all the way from Perlis. If you suakus don’t know where is Perlis, its above Penang. Polis say they have arrested Tony there because he was travelling without valid permit and no ID. Tony that stupid bugger also carry one photocopy of passport only.

They pass the phone to Tony, he was sobbing and crying begging Jeremy Ang to come and bail him out. So Jeremy also feel very bad for him, ask him to pass phone to the officer so he can request for station chief. The officer say police chief not in, if want to release have to bring documentation to police station.

Jeremy Ang say "Eh abang, Perlis la! you know how many hours to drive?! 5 hours la! Eh dont like that, kasi tolong abit."

Police officer (in Bahasa) " Yes that is the only way. I can't do anything for you. You want your worker, bring his document to station. No other way."

Jeremy Ang "Ok why not I prove my documentation to the Selangor HQ police station, then they can confirm with you and you can release my worker"

Police "......."

long silence

Police "you wait... I check"

10 mins later (the police most likely go pangsai, smoke, make coffee, then come back), police say "My superior not in, I cannot confirm with you. For now, the only way to release is to come to the Perlis balai. Any other questions?"

Jeremy also dont want to say much already. He know that if he annoy the police somemore, it will mean more testicle pulling for Tony Jaa. So Jeremy consult his father, ask him what to do. Jeremy father got connection with the local police chief, so he call and ask him. The local chief told him, no problem wan, he can help and get him out. But it wont be cheap. (hurray 1malaysia). Because have to go through many stations, its not worth it. Better just send someone there to get Tony. He say the reason is very simple. The station there want your ang pow or kopi money. Other state police cannot simply go grab their rice bowl.

So no choice lor, someone have to go. Then limpek ask Jeremy Ang, "So? Why you still here eating fishball in steamboat tomyam soup with me? Somemore eat until very syok. Got appetite ar? Tony eating Special Polis Hairy Cock Sandwich leh! Very kesian leh that guy!"

Jeremy Ang also tulan, "Eh you dont say until like I got no heart! You know to drive there and back will cost about RM300-400 in petrol and toll? And I dont know how much they want to squeeze from me somemore? Say end up spending RM600-700. That is 3/4 of his salary already you know? And he is too poor to pay back for sure. I cant expect him to also. And to top it off today Labor Day holiday suddenly you want me to cancel all my plan and spend 12 hours driving there, getting him, and then drive back? And my girl dowan to go with me, I have to go alone!"

Limpek also dont know what to say. This puahbai got his points. "But still, that bugger damn kesian la... tonight he sure kena fuck by the big hairy criminals, by the time wait for you, he will have permanent diarheaa, lau sai 2 years straight!"

Jeremy "aiya I also know... but what to do! He ownself also damn kham lan wan. Go there also dowan to inform, not like I wont approve! Passport also dont have how to go! Too bad already la, I'm already going to waste so much money for this. But he'll just have to wait longer la. Hopefully his asshole is very oily"

Limpek almost blurt out... 'Why not I go with you la, just treat it as roadtrip while we rescue him. Limpek will teman you the 12 hours lor, pretend is vacation'... lucky before the words come out the brain processor already go through. Limpek get this image in my head.




Then limpek also dont really want to go with him alone liao.

Lucky Jeremy say "nevermind la, the bugger chief isnt around until Monday anyway. The guy just have to wait la. Monday I ask my supervisor go."


..

To be continued... type until eyes heavy liao



Disclosure to make sure limpek dont kena jail butt rape: Everything written is fictional and not true at all and meant for blabbering purposes. The Malaysian Police is extremely honest and transparent and great and invincible and intelligent and the greatest gift God has ever given mankind. Limpek already said fiction... but if it sounds true, smells true, looks true then its up to you.

TNB, Fuck you. Limpek and 7 Viets

Hahaha limpek finally got 1 subscriber for the Goldfish Sexual Harassment subscription liao. How can limpek not give plesen to the very first subscriber!? And hearing miss dblchin say " dont ...photoshop..... my pic..." limpek already cannot hear the rest and fingers already itchy. You already know limpek like to give plesen wan. And xiaxue say photoshop more important than life. So...

TADA



***edit: oops... kena tiu by first subscriber already. So picture has been removed. Soli to dbklchin, and to others who will not get to see.***

Plesen for first subscriber. The author of the website Miss Camwhore City where limpek always visit to look at her pics and imagine her that way like the pic above.



Back to blogging.


Wednesday 29th. House no electricity! What the flying fuck! Limpek thought today after work go gym for a while. Then come back write one entry about cheong-ing last night. Then go to sleep. Limpek reach home liao, kanineh, see all dark dark. Whole area also like that.

This is the second time this year already no electricity. Its like Tenaga Nasional song song go and pull out your plug, let your kah ch’ng roast at night so that people cannot sleep and end up fucking. Maybe got conspiracy to boost population this way.

You all every year got donno what earth hour, turn off all power for one hour or something like that. Jiak sai la. Limpek all the time also got earth hour wat. This year already got 48 earth hours. Thanks to environmental friendly TNB. Puahbai.

No wonder the Namewee guy so tulan go and fuck TNB in youtube. This siaokia really hero wan. Limpek know its old video la but not everything also must be new and happening wan okay?

Seriously limpek don’t know what kinda shit the gahmen was talking about when they claim we have first world facility. Stupid puahbais. Having the tallest tower for a few years, building a badly invested F1 circuit, Nasikandar development, Port Klang Freak Zone, Monsoon D Cup and all these nonsense doesn’t make us first world one bit. None of the utilities or facilities that limpek need to use works fine.

Electricity: TNB. Tiu Nia Bu. Namewee already explained.

Water: SYABAS. Syabas! Tahniah! Anda telah memenangi bekalan air berbentuk teh kosong untuk selama lamanya.

Internet: Telekom. Wah.. streamyx. Want to see Maria Ozawa porn? limpek will open page, go cook maggi, eat finish maggi, go pangsai, then shower, then wipe dry then sit down, then the 2 minute video ngam ngam load finish. Oh, then suddenly power outage.

Satellite TV: ASTRO. Everytime rain/storm no reception. So meaning when weather is good we should stay home watch TV? But when rain/storm we should go out do something? Like, go get hit by lightning? So Astro is literally telling us to go die? Limpek didn’t bother mentioning RTM because limpek don’t even understand why they exist.


Basic utilities also cannot get it right. First world they say? But knowing them, their standard excuse will be “Eh, be thankful you even got this services la. These are luxury living facilities you know? First world comfort utilities you know?”

Yes, now limpek understand. Last time when limpek’s father always tiu kau me for failing subjects in class or skipping school, limpek should have told him “Eh laupek, be thankful la, limpek not selling K to classmates, smoking weed in school, whacking the teacher and fucking the substitute tudung teacher! So you should praise the heaven for not birthing a devil.”

But then limpek’s laupek would’ve slapped me from Malaysia all the way to Zimbabwe. That’s the kind of mentality our puahbai gahmen or gahmen linked agencies have. ‘Always compare with the worst so you can feel the best’.

So limpek reach home, housing area completely dark dark. Then see the neighbour all outside smoking and talking under the moon, the only source of light.

Neighbour got 7 Vietnam guys all squeeze in one house wan. The house only has 3 rooms, I don’t know how they make it. Want to pangsai also have to take number like Maybank.

But better than last time limpek’s uncle rented a 3 room kampong bungalow to 12 bangala. Walaoeh, when they play the cassette radio, become like Zouk liao. Everytime they cook dinner is like mini kenduri like that. Seems like very happening.

All 7 Vietnam pai kia was outside, not wearing shirt, face like very tulan. They must be do construction site wan bacause a few of them wearing safety helmet. I don’t know why midnight they still wear helmet in the dark. Maybe they think the Americans still want to bomb them?

The streetlight all also dark, but the moon was very bright. I ask them, “No electric?” The one wearing helmet say “Harrr? Prong prong something (don’t know what he saying)”.

Then limpek point to streetlight and make sound “BZZZ BZZZ… no have?” Mr. Helmet smiling very happy say “yes yes no have, 9 o croc”. Probably mean since 9pm.

Limpek also don’t know why he so happy. Then limpek ask “until tomorrow? Morning?” Mr. Helmet say “Yes yes!!” then start to laugh happily and the others also join him.

Limpek then ask “No one complain?”, Mr. Helmet look very lost and don’t know what to say. Then he answer “Er... kom krengg? One? Two? Three? No, seveng”

Limpek (= ____ =’’’) …

Limpek “O-kay.. seveng seveng…” Then the whole 7 viets starts laughing like crazy. The only missing thing in the picture was probably Snow White.

Limpek think this bunch of Vietnamese is abit sot in the head. Like that also funny. Well, at least they don’t look so tulan anymore. Limpek also considered make them happy liao.

This few Vietnamese very hardworking wan. They leave to work early in the morning, come back usually after sun go down. You see their skin become darker and darker, probably toiling under the sun. They rarely eat outside, maybe because want to save money. You can hear them cooking together and feel the kenduri every dinner time.

They usually stay in the house. Sometimes play guitar and sing together in the balcony. Their voice is abit kanasai but can still sense the passion. But tonight with the whole area’s light out they are gathering outside under the moonlight. Seems like tonight was special to them.

Maybe it reminds them of home at Vietnam kampung? A bunch of shirtless men after a hard days work, smoking and talking by the padi field with no electric. They all seem used to having no electricity.

Maybe the few wearing helmet because it feels like kampong strawhat?

It seems like to them, no matter what kind of shit life throws at them, its okay wan. Because in the end, they still have each other. And that's good enough a reason to laugh together.

Limpek also start to become more fond of these sot Vietnamese.

Datuk Hee Yit Foong Jelapang Frog and what Social Butterfly really is

Sheeyiit Foong awarded a Datuk?!? KNNCCB wat the flying fuck! Limpek thought Datukship can only award to people wan? How come frogs also can get awarded? Thanks to this corrupted jumping frog who switched from Pakatan to Barisan's brothel, the whole Perak state is lost back to BN last year.

Limpek really beh tahan this ugly frog. last time Jelapang people all see she is a female and handicapped and chinese so they kesian her and voted for her. Mana tau this nabeh everyday only busy fighting to request her Toyota Camry. Then see Pakatan cannot cari makan liao quickly switch! Puah bai!

Raja Petra revealed last time this blardy frog took RM20 million from gahmen through Berjaya's big pai kia Vincent Tan to jump ship to Barisan. Today somemore get Datukship. What is this shit? Aftersales bonus ar? Like, "tankyucomeagain" gesture?

Ninabeh the 20 million you think from who leh? From us stupid taxpayers la. Limpek have to save everyday, buy pirate dvd instead of go movie until girls also tulan... gahmen song song take our money to buy a frog! Puah bai!

Auntie Shit Foong, your Jelapang people vote for you because they really believe you and think you can speak for them. Because they got no voice. When gahmen fuck their backside, rob their money and then pee on their plantation, they thought they can rely on you to speak for them. Because they got no voice. When they see you as a woman and handicapped to top it off, they think you are more reliable and trustworthy because you understand life's struggle. Because they have no voice! You where can like that fuck them over? Somemore get Datukship to guai lan!

People Lee Chong Wei awarded Datuk because whack badminton kau kau lat. Or Nicol David squash kau kau lat. Or Michelle Yeoh acting kau kau lat. Or Jimmy Choo design kau kau lat. Or Siti Nurhaliza sing kau kau lat. Puah bai you do what kau kau lat? Kiap your buttock together kau kau lat when service the gahmen men issit?


Nabeh dowan say liao la. Say more high blood pressure. Say what also no use. Now Datuk Hee can go heeee heeee heeee anyway.

So limpek was asked on earlier post what butterfly is. Wahseh, nowadays got this type of innocent guys also. Very good la, Goldfish Uncle also see the beauty of innocence sometimes. Sometimes only la. Like when limpek take off pants, girls go EEKK!! Jiang Ta Ge!! Bu Yao!!! That kind of innocence is very steady.

Basically butterfly is a system designed by these creative sharks of sleazy KTV. You think only big big company got fancy fancy marketing lirector? Only Coca Cola know how to increase bottle size bigger and bigger make you buy more? No!! Sleazy KTV got sleazy lirector also!!

Long long time ago 1 creative-shark sleazy lirector say, why not we make our chio bus more active. One hot chio bu should be able to service alot of people mah! Each room they let chikopeks touch touch play play for 15 mins, then proceed to next room. Then eventually rotate back to same room. In the end, 1 chio bu can service up to 10 rooms! If some chao ahpek very rich and lansi want to book, no problem. We charge them RM300. Then save the trouble of going here and there and let many smelly uncle hands touch. But if no booking, go butterfly style RM70 only! That way if service 10 rooms for a night can get rm700 liao!! WIN-WIN!!!

You see? sleazy lirector is no joke wan... take their work very seriously. That is how the 'butterfly' system came to birth lor. One sleazy lirector one day camping pangsai on the bushes nothing to do, so mah observe nature. Then he see see got alot butterfly, like to hinggap on this flower, suck suck the essense, then hinggap on next flower, suck suck the essense again and so on and so forth. So sleazy lirector also become very enlighten. So sleazy lirector want their chio bus become like butterfly also, suck suck your money here, then hinggap next room, suck suck your friend's money there. But the downside is many chao apek will twist your nipples until out of shape the next morning. Nowadays it has become the standard system worldwide on ktvs and even GRO pubs.

Funny thing is alot of gong char bohs nowadays like to simply coin the term. Especially the younger gen clubber gong char bohs. Simply simply call themselves social butterfly. Wahseh lucky limpek didnt straight away reach out and perah susu and twist her nipples when limpek hear that. Hahaha. Siao charboh, butterfly means when its their turn (when you reach their table) all the chao uncles will give u money and tekan your nehneh ok? dont simply simply say.

Retire Age Move to 60!

Civil Service Retirement Age Move to 60! (click to see malaysia insider article)

Siao boh!!! During 2008 they move from 56 to 58. Limpek count count… abit boh ngam lor! Limpek now 28 lah, based on this year need 32 more years only can retire (at 60). But ha, if every two years the ccb gahmen wan to propose two years delay, that means going at this rate, by 60 years old (32 years later), will increase 32 years already! That means based on the giraff…. limpek can only retire at... 92 years old!!!


SIAO BOH!!!??

Like that?! --->

This gahmen really puah bai wan!! Already limpek everyday smoke Marlboro smoke until lung black black, want to live until 92 years old already is tok kok sing song liao. Can live until 60 also must curi curi laugh already. Ccb want to work until 92 years old only can get pencen? This is the pencen our puah bai gahmen will give you?

Kaninah easy, no need send poslaju no need maybank2u. Put your name burn in the kitchen can already.

KI SI LA!!! Talk cock!!! Then this article continue somemore to try and justify it:

“ It is understood that Cuepacs favours the change, having once submitted a memorandum to raise the retirement age to 60 as seen in other countries or 62 in the case of Singapore.”

Waraoeh! want to compare with Singapore! We already know Singaporeans all sampat crazy work until ki siao wan mah. All work until jump from HDB wan. Their big boss Lee also become walking corpse already still want to influence wat. We want to follow?

This cipet gahmen always like this smart in comparing wan. When people say they no democratic, gahmen will compare to Myanmar or Burma or those puah bai countries everyday fight and kill by dictators wan. Then say Malaysia sibeh good. Only got cow-head protest. When people say they got no development, gahmen will compare to Sri Lanka, Pakistan or those puah bai countries people pangsai at the roadside wan. Then say Malaysia got F1 circuit, twin tower. Twin lampah la! Ask them compare first-world countries or those country rich with natural resources wan and see? Why cannot compare with the best must always compare with poorer countries?? How come we buy car also must take 7 years to finish pay? By the time the car is really yours, your brand new Honda civic also become classic collector vintage civic no longer in production liao. Or you can buy the milo tin proton. Once accident, can say bye bye liao u also become milo powder. Can burn more Hell money. In other modern countries, where got buy car pay in almost a decade wan ah hia!?

And then the house. Buy 1 lampah house pay in 10-20 years. You buy a puppy the puppy also become old and die already, the house still not yours! Puah bai!

Then suddenly my boss say "you kaupeh what... that is just for the government servants. Dont let them retire mah good la. Already they so lazy and never do anything, retire already langsung no need to work. Dont even have to pretend to be busy while surfing facebook. Who pay? We pay leh. Government servants? ki si lah!"

sweat. My boss knows about the staff's daily facebook slacking.

"then boss, when u think is good to retire?"

"retire for fucks ah? I not going to retire until at least 70 la!"

SWEAT.