2010 MCA PRESIDENT CHUA SOI LEK!

Chua Soi Lek wins erection!!! Can you believe it? Malaysia Chinese really beyond saving and really deserve to get fucked on the asshole by those UMNOputras. This notorious pai kia head also can win by such big majority. Every connection he has also links to big time gangsters. Every vote he gets also he buy with money wan. Wtf. Malaysian politics really got no dignity wan. Its smelly like sweaty bangala armpit in a packed bus.

Okay but all these accusation is baseless and all hear from people tell me wan la… so don’t believe all (limpek quite scared the ISA come catch me and fuck my backside and throw to Kamunting for sedition.) You know la… Malaysia cannot simply simply tiao ruling party. U say MCA no good, u kena soot. Say DAP full of goon, all your projek oon oon eat bee hoon. Say UMNO no good!? Walaueh, they twist your lampahzi around your dick to make ribbon on top. Ok maybe not so bad la. Maybe u just suddenly fall off tall building. Or kena explode by c4 to pieces. Special democracy they call it… puah bai!!!

Anyway this Chua Lo Lek (always wear big gold shiny lolek watch wan this guy) I personally see before in a temple function. That time was after his porno DVD scandal with the auntie wan came out (auntie wearing Victoria secret lingerie wan wahlaueh my eyes want to grow pimple). So everybody thought he was going down and will soon be deem insignificant.

But then its not just the sex scandal la, coz everybody also know these rich fucker politicians all also got amoi left and right. All always go china to loot all the young xiao long nus. So ke-lian the young xiao long nus kena loot by these Viagra infused reput dicks, instead of my Godzilla. But these rich fucker politicians can pay much more, so the xiaolongnus also fuck me not free la actually. What to do. Life is like that. Whores are like that. Actually… most people are like that.

But this Chua Lo Lek, when he give speech that time, limpek feel lagi boring than when my headmaster Mr. Ch’ng last time gave speech in high school. Abit also no charisma! Abit also not motivated! Abit also no aura of someone important or a leader! Kaninah you know sometimes in school Monday mornings got assembly and the stupid ketua pengawas go give a gugujiao speech and everybody falling asleep? This Lolek Chua is liddat. Completely dismissable!

And another time I happen to be at a function where Ong Tee Ko was giving speech. Although he’s from MCA (party I pang pui to), but this guy can give very good speech! When he tok, people will listen. Not playing with their iphone or tickling their girlfriends ling ku like normal Lolek speeches. He also got the leader aura, like someone very important just walk into the room. Lolek only feels like someone very hamsap just walk into the room, going to touch your backside. Somemore Ong Tee Ko open the issue with the Port Klang Free Zone scandal that swallowed billions of Malaysian ringgit!! Our money!! You know how many xiao long nu can teman you for that kind of money? Zhu Hai line up until Shen Zhen ah!! At least Ong Tee Ko try to make issue with that although he might have his own agenda.

But the most lucky thing is Ong Ka Ting didn’t win. Kaninah this Ong Kata Nothing…. Do nothing, say nothing, erection 08 win nothing. Somemore got the lampahzi to try and come back. When the UMNO bully Chinese, he always sit there knock his lampahzi against each other and never say anything. Come back for what? Walaueh bad people really wan to live forever and never quit wan.

So my friend Fatty Wie say got people placing bet in Johor on who was going to win. Apparently the odds is best with Ong Ka Ting winning!! Can you believe it? Chinese Malaysian stupid boh you say? Singaporeans always laugh at us say we sua ku and stupid. Its actually quite true! (But then Singaporean also quite stupid, tiam tiam kena tekan gahmen everyday in everything).

The point is…… MCA erection also can bet money wan ah?! Chinese people really lau kui and really cannot save wan. Last time I think it was Mahathir that said, Chinese people, how many stone in the hand also they want to bet. Its true!! Kaninah! Everything also want to bet!! Everything also want to gamble!! Gamble until pokai already then go find ah long!! Then when ah long burn your shop then you complain gahmen. Puah bai!!

Eh wait… that’s not the point. The point is, actually it might be a good thing also that Chua Lo Lek wins. This will just further damage MCA reputation as a completely donkey Chinese party full of asses. Then next erection, maybe MCA will be wipe out kau kau lat. Then maybe things will start to be better for Malaysian Chinese.

But then again you never know. If the infamous Tiong ‘King’ Sing (Mr. I-own-3-aeroplanes-and-I’m-government-ATM) is really back Lolek wan… die liao. Spend more money and these cheap Chinese rakyat prostitutes (men & women) will just vote for them again. And then all his pai kia tailou kaki will come and whack the opposition… and search for me to burn my Godzilla. Shit… now I very scared liao. Puah bai.

Malaysia Best New Blogger

Handsome: “Siao ehhh!! (* arrogant smirk on face) lim peh kau lat already la… lim peh ran ten km la! 10 fucking km you know??”

Tobby: “Issit (pretends to be bored, but obviously caught his attention). Aiya how long? Two whole hours is it”

Cliffard: “Ala slowly slowly run, ask me to run 20km also no big deal la”

Tobby: “Yalaaa cheh, don’t have one hour you don’t talk to me la”

Handsome: “Ohhh? You did one hour for 10 km?”

Tobby: “Ahboh ? A couple of minutes pass one hour la… run until face green only can wan la you think wat”

Handsome: “Ohh very hor liao la now? PEI!!! HONGKAN LA!! You ownself see. 45 mins ah (show picture on handphone)!! FOOOOOHHH TEEE FAIIIII minutes ah!! Kaulat boh!? Waa ha ha ha!!”

*silence from the two donkeys... Chui tat lan.

Handsome: “WA HA HA HA kaulat anot!? KAULAT ANOT!? Kauuu lattt laaa”

Tobby: “Walao… serious wan. How now Cliff? Your brother siao liao”

Cliffard: “Err… ha ha (nervous laughter of a man put to shame)”

Tobby: “Wahh cannot liao like that… siao liao siao liao… tomorrow have to start training liao”

Handsome: “WA HA HA HA Slowwwwly train la you! WA HA HA HA by the time you ready, I’ll be running 15km in 60 minues liao la. Jiak sai la HA HA HA ”

*Tobby and Cliffard sibeh kiasu wan. So they looked very tulan already

Tobby: “Aiya... Kenny Sia also can run 42km la what’s the big deal? “

Handsome: “Ha? Tuapuikia Kenny Sia? Hahaha mai siao la!! Dont tok kok ok ?”

Tobby: “Don’t believe you go read his blog. He went all the way to the States just to run that 42km marathon. But of course, don’t know how long he took la. Maybe he was running 7kmh and then walked like 20km of the way”

Handsome: “Kenny Sia wor!!! That fat bastard blogger?! Kenny Sia wor! Nola don’t tok kok. I don’t believe. Siao eh, u think easy ah”

Tobby: “Everybody also know la. Kanineh got time you go read around blogs la, everything also don’t know. Sibeh outdate.”

Handsome: “Ooo ia boh?! Mai hao siao wa oh!!”

Tobby: “Yala! No hao siao you. You don’t know meh? Some more he open a gym in Kuching. I hear very big wan, can fight Celebrity gym wan. Boh kan dan leh”

Handsome: “Har?! Tua pui kia can open gym so hoh seh ah!? Some more run 42km? Blogging can be so kaulat wan meh?! Don’t tok kok la! I mean, some lampah fellow write a bunch of lampah articles on website then can become so lampah hoh seh? Mai siao laaa”

Tobby: “Siao eh. Blogging already damn heng la since 8 years ago. You don’t so sua ku can anot? You know how much those blogger can make anot!? No need to work already la, full time job la! Lagi so glamour, girls all suka”

Cliffard: “Yeah. Weh don’t kua suey that fat bugger k. I hear he makes 40k a month you know?? From writing stupid shit and posting on his blog. Somemore can be super famous. Lampah also can become dragon la! Damn hero dey!”

Handsome: “What the flying fuck!!! Lim pek chao chao also can write better essays than him! Take better pictures than him! Do better photoshop than him! More en tao than him! Body also more keat than him!! How come lim pek only earn fucking 3 thousand a month?!! Work like cibai bangala! Lick taukeh’s lampa! People eat shark fin I eat bah gua! Want to loot china girls but can only afford chui la ba!! Soon money not enuff hafto fuck chao ah gua!! Wah piang eh!!” (no, I never fuck chao ah gua before ok)

Tobby: “wahahaha coz you much more stupid than him!”

Handsome: “knnbccb!! How come blogging so popular wan!? Wtf why nobody tell me wan!”

Tobby: “Kanineh that time you busy fucking around in Canada dowan come back. Now come back liao everything also don’t know. Kam lan la you. Blogging already very heng la. Every Ah-beng Ah-seng Ah-lian Ah-huey also got blog la”

Handsome: “Serious shit ah!? Lau niang! How come you all don’t have blog?!”

Tobby: “Cibai I blog for fucks ah? Work in the jungle everyday, blog about bangala chop oil palm tree ah? Got time I go bet football lagi syok. Make more money”

Cliffard: “Aiya don’t kaupeh la. You mah go follow him write a stupid blog and say stupid things lor. Maybe people will go read your khamlan nonsense. Who knows, many khamlan people like you also hahaha.”

Tobby: “Wahaha damn sohai (stupid vagina). Eight years too late d la! Now people will just say you jump into bandwagon only.”

Cliffard: “Hahaha yala. But since you say until like you can really write. Worse come to worse, we read your blog once a week lor. Who knows, maybe got one or two siao lang will like to read your nonsense”

(my brother sibeh supportive wan… puah bai!!)


Suddenly, sitting in the kopitiam under the jambu tree… I had my revelation. Like last time Buddha sit under the Bo tree get enlightened. Then Mohammad was sleeping in the cave also got angel’s message. Martin Luther dreaming halfway get enlightened. Anwar kena whack in jail that time also enlightened. Ong Ka Ting pangsai halfway also get revelation… want to become MCA president again.


My revelation under the jambu tree:


My name is Handsome Garren Teow. I have many things to say, but nobody wants to listen. I want to be a blogger. And say things I'm not supposed to say. Because I see things I'm not supposed to see. So I'll tell you things you're not supposed to hear. This will be my blog! Here I talk you listen. After you listen, if you beh song, you can tiao me in the comments. Welcome to my blog!